Nothing in the world to me beats being in my room between 2am and 4am. It's my time with God, and my time with self. My routine varies from day to day. Sometimes, I would pray and write in my prayer journal. Other times, I would listen to Christian songs and sing along. There are also times when I would pick up my guitar and play some songs in worship. And also times when I would read the bible and meditate on what God wants to say to me through His word.
This silence is a respite for me after the noise and busyness of the day. I reflect on the day gone by, and whether I have honoured and glorified Christ through my words and my actions. I think about the lessons that I learnt during the day, and how I could apply them in future. I also gauge whether the day is a move forward or a step backward for me in living my life the way I want it to be lived, according to my faith, my principles and my life philosophy.
I also do what I feel is a very important thing for me - letting go. When I pray, I visualise myself laying all my troubles, my sorrows, my fears, my worries, my pride, my achievements and my successes at the foot of the cross, and walking away unburdened and free. For Christ says in Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." And He also promises in Matthew 12:29-30 "Take My yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
A place of surrender
We all bow down (Lenny Leblanc - Integrity's Hosanna! Music)
Princes and paupers, sons and daughters
Kneel at the throne of grace
Losers and winners, saints and sinners
One day we'll see His face
And we all bow down
Kings will surrender their crowns
And worship Jesus
For He is the love, unfailing love
He is the love of God
Summer and winter, the mountains and the rivers
Whisper the Savior's name
Awesome and holy, a friend to the lonely
Forever His love will reign
And we all bow down
Kings will surrender their crowns
And worship Jesus
For He is the love, unfailing love
He is the love of God
He's the light of the world and Lord of the cross
And we all bow down
Kings will surrender their crowns
And worship Jesus
For He is the love, unfailing love
He is the love of God
Isaiah 45:22-23
“ Look to Me, and be saved,
All you ends of the earth!
For I am God, and there is no other.
I have sworn by Myself;
The word has gone out of My mouth in righteousness,
And shall not return,
That to Me every knee shall bow,
Every tongue shall take an oath.
Revelation 5:13
And every creature which is in heaven and on the earth and under the earth and such as are in the sea, and all that are in them, I heard saying:
“ Blessing and honor and glory and power
Be to Him who sits on the throne,
And to the Lamb, forever and ever!”
Princes and paupers, sons and daughters
Kneel at the throne of grace
Losers and winners, saints and sinners
One day we'll see His face
And we all bow down
Kings will surrender their crowns
And worship Jesus
For He is the love, unfailing love
He is the love of God
Summer and winter, the mountains and the rivers
Whisper the Savior's name
Awesome and holy, a friend to the lonely
Forever His love will reign
And we all bow down
Kings will surrender their crowns
And worship Jesus
For He is the love, unfailing love
He is the love of God
He's the light of the world and Lord of the cross
And we all bow down
Kings will surrender their crowns
And worship Jesus
For He is the love, unfailing love
He is the love of God
Isaiah 45:22-23
“ Look to Me, and be saved,
All you ends of the earth!
For I am God, and there is no other.
I have sworn by Myself;
The word has gone out of My mouth in righteousness,
And shall not return,
That to Me every knee shall bow,
Every tongue shall take an oath.
Revelation 5:13
And every creature which is in heaven and on the earth and under the earth and such as are in the sea, and all that are in them, I heard saying:
“ Blessing and honor and glory and power
Be to Him who sits on the throne,
And to the Lamb, forever and ever!”
Thursday, February 15, 2007
A very serious commitment
I finished the introductory counselling course yesterday and got my certificate from WMC. One of the counsellors wrote an "Amen!" next to my last line of my philosophy of life essay, which was: "To me, a good life is simple living and meaningful work grounded on faith in Christ and relationships with people."
The next stage will involve a 12-session intermediate counselling course plus a two-year commitment to WMC as a lay counsellor. I expressed my interest to the coordinators in moving on to this stage.
When I was in a cab returning home yesterday, the weight of my future responsibility suddenly hit me. That if I were to be a lay counsellor, volunteering my time twice a week, I would be directly involved in other people's lives and influencing their thinking and their actions. This was no laughing matter and it was a very serious commitment. There is a short-listing and I am not even sure that I would be chosen among those going on to the intermediate stage. But even before that confirmation, I was already feeling the weight of such a responsibility. This was the first time I had such a feeling and I was slightly disturbed by it.
I prayed to God for His wisdom and His guidance because I was not very sure or confident that I could handle such a responsibility. And I will wait and see if He thinks I'm ready for such serious work.
The next stage will involve a 12-session intermediate counselling course plus a two-year commitment to WMC as a lay counsellor. I expressed my interest to the coordinators in moving on to this stage.
When I was in a cab returning home yesterday, the weight of my future responsibility suddenly hit me. That if I were to be a lay counsellor, volunteering my time twice a week, I would be directly involved in other people's lives and influencing their thinking and their actions. This was no laughing matter and it was a very serious commitment. There is a short-listing and I am not even sure that I would be chosen among those going on to the intermediate stage. But even before that confirmation, I was already feeling the weight of such a responsibility. This was the first time I had such a feeling and I was slightly disturbed by it.
I prayed to God for His wisdom and His guidance because I was not very sure or confident that I could handle such a responsibility. And I will wait and see if He thinks I'm ready for such serious work.
Sowing the seeds of growth
I wished a colleague of mine "Happy Valentine's Day" and he turned to shake my hand and told me: "Happy Valentine's Day, too, to you. Thank you for being my friend and for being such a nice colleague." My face turned red immediately because I was taken aback by his heartfelt comments, and I mumbled a few words of thanks.
It got me thinking about this anecdote by one of the pastors - that just as a plant requires fertiliser and water for it to grow to its full potential, so, too, people need encouragement and empowerment for them to realise their full potential and fulfil what God had intended for them in their lives using their abilities and talents.
In this world, however, too often, people tend to add poison to other people's lives through their speech and actions - cutting words, physical abuse and the like - and thus hampering growth of their potential.
It does not mean that one should not offer criticism but it does mean that criticism and any negative comments should be offered in grace and in the belief that the person will be the better for knowing where he is falling short and where he needs to buck up. It should never be done in anger or in spite or in a way as to deliberately demean the person.
I'm praying that more and more, the world will be filled with people who are willing to add water and fertiliser to other lives.
It got me thinking about this anecdote by one of the pastors - that just as a plant requires fertiliser and water for it to grow to its full potential, so, too, people need encouragement and empowerment for them to realise their full potential and fulfil what God had intended for them in their lives using their abilities and talents.
In this world, however, too often, people tend to add poison to other people's lives through their speech and actions - cutting words, physical abuse and the like - and thus hampering growth of their potential.
It does not mean that one should not offer criticism but it does mean that criticism and any negative comments should be offered in grace and in the belief that the person will be the better for knowing where he is falling short and where he needs to buck up. It should never be done in anger or in spite or in a way as to deliberately demean the person.
I'm praying that more and more, the world will be filled with people who are willing to add water and fertiliser to other lives.
Monday, February 12, 2007
The five-year wait
L e-mailed one day and said she was returning to her hometown Bintan for a month. My group of friends (E, M, X and me) were extremely happy because some of us hadn't seen her for five years.I was one of two lucky ones: I had visited her in Germany while E had met her in Paris.
Our friendships go back a long way to secondary school, and we have this pact where we would always meet up at the beginning of the year to write our resolutions as well as our predictions for each other. Upon reading her e-mail, we hastily booked a stay at Nirwana Beach Club just so we could spend a weekend with her. More significantly, apart from seeing X and M in person for the first time in five years, L was also going to write her resolutions and her predictions for us in our resolution book.
When we met her, all of us hugged her. I thought I would cry with joy but I didn't. M said her eyes turned watery. We talked and laughed like the old times, and ate like there was no tomorrow. We kept taking pictures. We spent time at the pool and walked along the beach. It was as if she hadn't been away at all.
I think all of us were so happy that the circle of the five of us was finally complete, if only for two days. I was grinning like mad for most of the time. We slept only around 3am on Sunday because we also watched video clips of M's wedding day and pictures of L's husband S. We woke up at 8am for breakfast. I could hardly keep my eyes open and the rest told me to go back to sleep. I refused, and L said: "She doesn't want to go back to the room because she doesn't want to miss out on anything!"
I think all of us were so happy that the circle of the five of us was finally complete, if only for two days. I was grinning like mad for most of the time. We slept only around 3am on Sunday because we also watched video clips of M's wedding day and pictures of L's husband S. We woke up at 8am for breakfast. I could hardly keep my eyes open and the rest told me to go back to sleep. I refused, and L said: "She doesn't want to go back to the room because she doesn't want to miss out on anything!"
In five years, a lot has changed. L has married a German S; E has a new boyfriend HY; M has married K and recently given birth to a daughter SQ. X is now expecting her third child - a daughter this time.
L took transport back to her place in Tanjung Pinang around 5.15pm while our hotel transport to the ferry terminal would pick us up around 5.30pm. We said our goodbyes but surprisingly I wasn't sad at all. I told the others that it was because I knew I would see her again.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Stepping into someone else's shoes
I am heading into my final session of an introductory counselling course at WMC. I've enjoyed myself thoroughly during the course because I became a student again. Every Tuesday, we had to take a quiz before the teaching started. This of course means that I had to read the textbooks. So far, my average grade has been 8/10. I like it that I'm learning things, and that the two counsellors in charge of the course are very experienced (one has been in counselling for over 25 years). They would share with us anecdotes from their sessions with their clients as well as some learning points and tips about counselling.
Some things that were said struck very deeply in my heart. The more experienced counsellor said the W counselling ministry is open to both Christians and non-Christians. He emphasised very strongly that it is unethical to attempt to evangelise when dealing with a non-Christian client. It is a matter of ethics and integrity. However, he said that in his many years of counselling, he has never had a non-Christian client turn him down when he asked to pray for the client. This was an extremely important key point for me, and absolutely encouraging for me. That even non-Christians do welcome our prayers for them. I told myself there and then that whenever and in whichever situation, if I'm able to pray for someone (either Christian or non-Christian) in need, I can and I should because God is listening.
As well, there is also the research-supported conclusion that when someone you're counselling feels that you empathise with him, and he feels a connection to you, then the chances of a successful result is vastly improved.
Last week, I got my chance to counsel someone in a role-play situation. We were in groups of threes - "client", "counsellor" and "observer". I was the counsellor in my group. After 15 minutes, the coordinator called an end to the session and we did a debriefing. My client was someone who was married and was having an affair with her colleague. The observer felt that I connected to my client, but my client said she was frustrated with me because I kept asking her questions. She wasn't sure that I was listening to her. I was nervous and kept trying to think up the next question in my head. The coordinator said that it was okay if we ran out of questions. We could just pause, recollect our thoughts and carry on from there. And she said that we were there to lend a listening ear first and foremost. The role play was extremely illuminating for me because I could get objective feedback from the client as well as the observer on how I was doing, and the areas I could improve on.
She gave an example: A teenager is very very upset that his pet dog just died. To some of us, that may not seem a big deal but to him, it is an extremely big deal. So we have to suspend our value judgments and our biases, and step into his shoes and see things from his perspective before we can be of help to him.
We'll again do role-play this coming Tuesday for the final session of the course. I need to also decide whether I want to proceed to the intermediate level of the course which would entail lay counselling sessions with actual clients as well as a two-year commitment. The thing is that during the role-play sessions, the coordinator is supposed to suss out which are the potential counsellors and approach them.
The best part of the course for me is that I got the message: Empathy towards someone goes a long way.
Some things that were said struck very deeply in my heart. The more experienced counsellor said the W counselling ministry is open to both Christians and non-Christians. He emphasised very strongly that it is unethical to attempt to evangelise when dealing with a non-Christian client. It is a matter of ethics and integrity. However, he said that in his many years of counselling, he has never had a non-Christian client turn him down when he asked to pray for the client. This was an extremely important key point for me, and absolutely encouraging for me. That even non-Christians do welcome our prayers for them. I told myself there and then that whenever and in whichever situation, if I'm able to pray for someone (either Christian or non-Christian) in need, I can and I should because God is listening.
As well, there is also the research-supported conclusion that when someone you're counselling feels that you empathise with him, and he feels a connection to you, then the chances of a successful result is vastly improved.
Last week, I got my chance to counsel someone in a role-play situation. We were in groups of threes - "client", "counsellor" and "observer". I was the counsellor in my group. After 15 minutes, the coordinator called an end to the session and we did a debriefing. My client was someone who was married and was having an affair with her colleague. The observer felt that I connected to my client, but my client said she was frustrated with me because I kept asking her questions. She wasn't sure that I was listening to her. I was nervous and kept trying to think up the next question in my head. The coordinator said that it was okay if we ran out of questions. We could just pause, recollect our thoughts and carry on from there. And she said that we were there to lend a listening ear first and foremost. The role play was extremely illuminating for me because I could get objective feedback from the client as well as the observer on how I was doing, and the areas I could improve on.
She gave an example: A teenager is very very upset that his pet dog just died. To some of us, that may not seem a big deal but to him, it is an extremely big deal. So we have to suspend our value judgments and our biases, and step into his shoes and see things from his perspective before we can be of help to him.
We'll again do role-play this coming Tuesday for the final session of the course. I need to also decide whether I want to proceed to the intermediate level of the course which would entail lay counselling sessions with actual clients as well as a two-year commitment. The thing is that during the role-play sessions, the coordinator is supposed to suss out which are the potential counsellors and approach them.
The best part of the course for me is that I got the message: Empathy towards someone goes a long way.
A break from the order
I went down to take the transport van after work today. The transport clerk J came up to me (he had a very broad smile) to inform me that a former colleague of mine, Y, who decided to become a Carmelite nun, is now on a leave of absence and doing some teaching duties at CHIJ.
He said he had seen her in church (they both attend the same Catholic church). My face lit up immediately because I was so happy to finally get news of her. Before she became a Carmelite nun, she was one of a few colleagues whom I had led in bible study in the office. She turned up for the bible study sessions whenever she could, even when she had already left the office. I was very gratified by her support, her presence and her insights during those sessions.
I remember that the group prayed for her before she went into the Carmelite order. Going into the Carmelite order can be very tough because they are enclosed nuns. Their normal day is spent in solitude, silence and prayer. And according to her, she gets only an hour a day to interact with the other nuns. Apart from that, they spend their life alone in their own quarters in intercessory prayer and communion with God. Coming from a world where there is so much contact with people, it can be very hard and difficult to suddenly be thrust into silence. And the Carmelites do not entertain visits by family members or any form of contact with the outside world. They are allowed out of the nunnery only in cases of family emergencies like the death of a parent. It is a frighteningly isolated world, and it takes a deep conviction that that is God's calling for your life.
I anxiously asked J whether he had her contact number and he said no. I told him to please tell her to give me a call when he meets her in church again. I would dearly love to catch up with her and have her tell me how she has been since the last time I saw her (some years back). As well, we can also share with one another how our spiritual walk with God has been through the years that we haven't met.
I remember I had a pretty long talk with J during that time when Y decided to go into the Carmelite order. Following that, every time J saw me at the transport, he would without fail ask me how Y was and whether I had any update from her.
I'm really looking forward to seeing her soon, just so I can see her and know that she's well and fine.
He said he had seen her in church (they both attend the same Catholic church). My face lit up immediately because I was so happy to finally get news of her. Before she became a Carmelite nun, she was one of a few colleagues whom I had led in bible study in the office. She turned up for the bible study sessions whenever she could, even when she had already left the office. I was very gratified by her support, her presence and her insights during those sessions.
I remember that the group prayed for her before she went into the Carmelite order. Going into the Carmelite order can be very tough because they are enclosed nuns. Their normal day is spent in solitude, silence and prayer. And according to her, she gets only an hour a day to interact with the other nuns. Apart from that, they spend their life alone in their own quarters in intercessory prayer and communion with God. Coming from a world where there is so much contact with people, it can be very hard and difficult to suddenly be thrust into silence. And the Carmelites do not entertain visits by family members or any form of contact with the outside world. They are allowed out of the nunnery only in cases of family emergencies like the death of a parent. It is a frighteningly isolated world, and it takes a deep conviction that that is God's calling for your life.
I anxiously asked J whether he had her contact number and he said no. I told him to please tell her to give me a call when he meets her in church again. I would dearly love to catch up with her and have her tell me how she has been since the last time I saw her (some years back). As well, we can also share with one another how our spiritual walk with God has been through the years that we haven't met.
I remember I had a pretty long talk with J during that time when Y decided to go into the Carmelite order. Following that, every time J saw me at the transport, he would without fail ask me how Y was and whether I had any update from her.
I'm really looking forward to seeing her soon, just so I can see her and know that she's well and fine.
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