A manufacturer or distributer?

I'm always in two minds whenever I read solid Christian writing.

One part of me rejoices that I've come across such gems. The other part of me groans inwardly at the amount of time I would then take to read the books because I tend to reflect on what is written, check the biblical references and then think about how all that I've read could relate to or apply to my life.

I'm still reading Warren Wiersbe's On Being a Servant of God and stopping at every page because his writing contains so much of God's wisdom. I could write 140 posts because his book is 140 pages long.

Wiersbe notes that oftentimes, Christians think that God called us to be manufacturers when actually God called us to be distributors. He makes references to Christ's feeding of the five thousand. The multiplication of the five loaves and two fish took place in His hands, while the distribution of the blessing was the work of the disciples' hands. So one of the first steps we need to take before we can be of service to God is to confess our bankruptcy and receive by faith the grace that we need for acceptable service.

He says: "Just as we were saved by grace, through faith, so we must work by grace, through faith, as we seek to minister. Only then can God work in and through us for His glory."

This spoke to me because sometimes, I tend to be like the manufacturer - trying to resolve issues and minister to other people out of my own abilities, out of my own strength, out of my own wisdom and out of my own spirit. In situations, I always have the tendency to try the "me first" approach rather than submit to God and say "you first, Lord".

This is especially true whenever I lend a listening ear to others. I would go into the "fix it" mode and think about how to resolve the problem, rather than look to the grace of God and say humbly that "God, I know You can help him or her far more completely than I can ever hope to do so with my own resources, so please take charge of this situation and guide me."

So Wiersbe's words serve as a reminder to me that without God, I can do nothing; but with God, I can do anything.

Words follow me

My cluttered room got to me and so a few days ago, I started to clear it. As of now, I've given away at least 100 books to the Salvation Army but the process was not easy for me. I told one of my colleagues that the giving away of books was extremely painful for me and I felt as if a part of my skin was being torn off for every book that I chose to part with.

Yesterday, however, a consoling thought floated into my mind. Even if I gave away a book, it will always be a part of my life because I have read it. The book has become part of me because of its impact on my thoughts, my feelings and the rest of me. It's gone but never ever gone from me.

Life - Charlotte Bronte

LIFE, believe, is not a dream
So dark as sages say;
Oft a little morning rain
Foretells a pleasant day.
Sometimes there are clouds of gloom,
But these are transient all;
If the shower
will make the roses bloom,
O why lament its fall ?

Rapidly, merrily,
Life's sunny hours flit by,
Gratefully, cheerily,
Enjoy them as they fly !

What though Death at times steps in
And calls our Best away ?
What though sorrow seems to win,
O'er hope, a heavy sway ?
Yet hope again elastic springs,
Unconquered, though she fell;
Still buoyant are her golden wings,
Still strong to bear us well.
Manfully, fearlessly,
The day of trial bear,
For gloriously, victoriously,
Can courage quell despair !

A deep breath

Dreams - Langston Hughes

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.

Listen - M.S.Merwin

with the night falling we are saying thank you
we are stopping on the bridge to bow from the railings
we are running out of the glass rooms
with our mouths full of food to look at the sky
and say thank you
we are standing by the water looking out
in different directions

back from a series of hospitals back from a mugging
after funerals we are saying thank you
after the news of the dead
whether or not we knew them we are saying thank you
in a culture up to its chin in shame
living in the stench it has chosen we are saying thank you

over telephones we are saying thank you
in doorways and in the backs of cars and in elevators
remembering wars and the police at the back door
and the beatings on stairs we are saying thank you
in the banks that use us we are saying thank you
with the crooks in office with the rich and fashionable
unchanged we go on saying thank you thank you

with the animals dying around us
our lost feelings we are saying thank you
with the forests falling faster and faster then the minutes
of our lives we are saying thank you
with the words going out like cells of a brain
with the cities growing over us like the earth
we are saying thank you faster and faster
with nobody listening we are saying thank you
we are saying thank you and waving
dark though it is

2009 in short

Being sick on Christmas Day is not my preferred way of celebrating Jesus' birth. I missed not only Christmas service but also an outing with my younger sister and my cousins. I wanted to pen a reflective blog entry on Christmas Day and hopefully I can, even with an upset stomach. I was wondering how best to do this and decided to reflect on some important aspects of my life:


Friends/Family: What would I do without friends and family? I just want to thank God for giving me a family (plus extended ones) who have loved me so abundantly that I could give so generously to others. I also want to thank God for my friends - the many dashes of colour in my sometime-monochrome life.


Career: I work for the glory of God and He calls for excellence from me. Excellence, not perfection. I want to thank God for a job that gives me the time and the finances towards Godly purposes.


Money: I have not been as careful a steward of God's money as I would have liked to. I'm thankful that I am able to channel some money towards needy children regularly. I want to give underprivileged or poor children a good start in life through education so that they and their family can get out of the poverty trap. God has impressed on me the number of children He wants me to help with as well as the giving of an annual offering to my favourite charity - World Vision. Supporting needy children is one of my life's passions.


Romance/Significant other: One of my dear friends left me speechless when she said I could never love or marry a person if he doesn't love God as much as I do. I was stunned because she was so right. The love of my life is Christ.


Spiritual Growth: I thank God that He's been faithful to me even though I've not been very disciplined in my prayer life or my quiet time this year. I got a lot out of YWAM's introduction to discipleship training school course, which I attended for 12 Saturdays this year.

God has shown me time and again that my gifts are in the areas of the three Es - Encouraging, Edifying and Empowering people. He has also laid on my heart that a woman after God's own heart is a woman of prayer.

I feel that God is leading me to focus on prayer in the coming year, and that I am first and foremost to be a God-chaser before I can be a people-chaser for Him. He also impressed very deeply on me that in ministry, I cannot give what I do not have and so I must always draw from my source, which is Christ, and I must always be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and follow His leading. This means an added urgency for me to be disciplined in my quiet time so that I can grow closer in my relationship with God.

I'm currently reading Warren W.Wiersbe's On Being a Servant of God and my auntie just gave me a daily devotional journal on Power Prayers for Women as a Christmas gift.


Personal Growth: Someone once remarked that when it comes to developing relationships with people, I've got a very broad moat around me - this is true because there are very few people I would let into my inner circle of trust. Through 2009, this moat has shrunk in size although it's still there. I think I still need to work a lot on being more other-focused than me-focused.

Developing more meaningful relationships with others is one of my key goals because that will be the fruit of my relationship with God in 2010.


Ministry: One of the most painful lessons this year has been the fact that suspicion rather than gratitude often emerges when one tries to help others. That the other's response is sometimes "why is she doing this?" and "what will she get out of this?".

I grappled with this a lot and I asked God why this attitude was so prevalent. His reply was that this was an attitude borne out of being in the world system. Many a times, I was sorely tempted to join the crowd and not even bother to go the extra mile without any benefit to myself, but thank God, the Holy Spirit lives in me and corrects me by saying: "Do you belong to the Kingdom of God or are you still stuck in the world system?"

It still hurts me a lot when people think that I'm helping them because I stand to benefit in some way or I've a hidden agenda. What comforts me is that God is watching and He knows my heart.

I thank God that He knows I need only these few but meaningful words that always let me know that I'm doing what He has called me to do - "thank you for being there" and "thank you for lending a listening ear when I needed one".


Highlights of 2009:

- My cousin and her daughter's visit

- My sister's graduation

- Watching Liverpool live

- A counsellors' retreat

- A trip to Ho Chi Minh with a friend

- A trip to Israel to attend a friend's wedding and to catch up with another

- Brunches, lunches, teas and dinners with friends

- The many concerts I attended during the year

- One of my dear friends giving birth to a daughter

- One of my dear friends getting engaged

- Attending YWAM's IDTS course

Finally, may God find me faithful. Amen.