Reflections on 2013

January

Leisure

What is this life if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs

And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,

Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,

Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,

And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can

Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this is if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare. 

William Henry Davies

February

Three postures towards God

"Thanksgiving is response to God's actions, praise is response to His character, worship is response to His presence." - Kris Vallotton

March

Thanksgiving

I'm thankful to God for a few things today - a nice lunch that was too short, an e-mail that informed me that I was no longer needed in someone else's life, roadside flowers that greeted me in the morning, a lovely dinner that included eating preserved titbits with Yakun coffee with shoe repair on the side, and finally time for myself before I sleep around midnight. I'm also very happy for a dear friend who is being called to the bar tomorrow and will be returning to be with her husband in the US soon.

April

On craftsmanship

Since the only test of truth is length of life, and since words survive the chops and changes of time longer than any other substance, therefore they are the truest. Buildings fall; even the earth perishes. What was yesterday a cornfield is to-day a bungalow. But words, if properly used, seem able to live for ever.

Our business is to see what we can do with the English language as it is. How can we combine the old words in new orders so that they survive, so that they create beauty, so that they tell the truth? That is the question.  

And the person who could answer that question would deserve whatever crown of glory the world has to offer. Think what it would mean if you could teach, if you could learn, the art of writing. Why, every book, every newspaper would tell the truth, would create beauty.

- Virginia Woolf

May

A beautiful day

What constitutes a beautiful day for me: The skies opened. An interesting lunch + learn session. Some big reports were sent off. An impromptu dinner suggestion. The Market Grill with two of the usual suspects. A sublime bleu cheese burger. A cab heading towards the taxi stand. Eight new movie DVDs waiting for me at home. One communication workbook to read. And lastly, 1.5 hours of free time before bedtime.

June

The fruit of the spirit

How does the Spirit of God manifest itself through us? Often we think that to witness means to speak up in defense of God. This idea can make us very self-conscious. We wonder where and how we can make God the topic of our conversations and how to convince our families, friends, neighbors, and colleagues of God's presence in their lives. But this explicit missionary endeavour often comes from an insecure heart and, therefore, easily creates divisions. The way God's Spirit manifests itself most convincingly is through its fruits: "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control" (Galatians 5:22). These fruits speak for themselves. It is therefore always better to raise the question "How can I grow in the Spirit?" than the question "How can I make others believe in the Spirit?"- Henri Nouwen

July

Malachi 1:11

For from the rising of the sun to its setting my name will be great among the nations, and in every place incense will be offered to my name, and a pure offering. For my name will be great among the nations, says the Lord of hosts.

August

The ties that bind

I committed to writing a reflective note about my birthday. As I thought about what I wanted to write, it became clear that I wanted to write about myself but more than that, I wanted this note to be about other people. No man, or indeed woman, is an island. As much as I crave for solitude, I need to constantly remind myself that life is all about people and connections.

Some people come into my life and I know they will be there till I die. Others appear at certain times and make an impression so deep and lasting that even when they fade out, I am no longer the same. And there are others, who have not been in contact with me for many years. But I know that as and when we do meet up, there is no barrier. We will be transported back to that time when we were young and foolish and so full of dreams, and we will behave as we did then. Yet others leave, and some of them leave graciously. I hope that when I meet them again sometime, somewhere, we can look at one another and smile, and pick up from where we left off.

September

Our Deepest Fear

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."- Marianne Williamson (Our Deepest Fear)

October

An anchor holds within the veil

I rest on His unchanging graceIn every high and stormy galeMy anchor holds within the veilMy anchor holds within the veil

Cornerstone - Hillsong

November

Thank you Jesus

I am so thankful for the following:

+ Forgiving hearts

+ Discerning friends

+ Listening ears

+ Open minds

+ Giving hands

+ Tasty treats

+ Healing touch

+ Humbled self

+ The Holy Spirit

+ God's leading

December

Finally home

To be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.- Nelson Mandela

Finally home

To be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.
- Nelson Mandela

Are you here or there?

A day in the life...

I got into a cab heading towards an Italian restaurant for lunch today. During the ride, the driver's handphone received sms notifications at least seven times. After that, his mobile rang very loudly many times for three rounds of calls. At the third call, he picked up the phone and put it on speaker mode. A female voice came on the line and said, "Darling, what is wrong? Are you okay?". He replied and said, "It is finished. Forget it. You keep calling and smsing me. I get so stressed. Better to end. Then I am not so stressed. You know you keep calling and smsing me last night. I couldn't sleep. You always want things your way. No way. Want to control me. So jealous and possessive. I am on speaker mode." Then he hang up. She called again and said, "Darling, can we talk?" He said, "I got customer". At that tense moment, I had to interrupt and say, "Uncle, 38, 38 Craig Road. I think the restaurant is on the left side of the road." He then said to me, "Okay." When I got off the cab, he was still saying to her, "You everything also want to control me. I am too stressed." Truly, the intricacies of relationships. 

Your presence is heaven to me

Went for a seminar earlier today and the speaker highlighted Psalm 42. Went for service after that. The worship team opted for an acoustic set. What a refreshing change. Their first song was "As The Deer". I had goosebumps. Lord, I have to confess that you unnerve me most times with such things. Among the songs in the acoustic set, this was another song that stood out for me. "Your presence is heaven to me." 

Your Presence is Heaven - Israel Houghton

Thank you Jesus

I am so thankful for the following:
+ Forgiving hearts
+ Discerning friends
+ Listening ears
+ Open minds
+ Giving hands
+ Tasty treats
+ Healing touch 
+ Humbled self
+ The Holy Spirit
+ God's leading

An anchor holds within the veil

I rest on His unchanging grace
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil
My anchor holds within the veil

Cornerstone - Hillsong

God's love letter to you

My Child,

You may not know me, but I know everything about you. 

 Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up. 

 Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways. 

 Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. 

 Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image. 

 Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.

 Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring. 

 Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived. 

 Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation. 

 Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. 

 Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. 

 Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. 

 Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb. 

 Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born. 

 Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me.

 John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. 

 1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 

 1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. 

 1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. 

 Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father. 

 Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. 

 James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. 

 Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. 

 Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love. 

 Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore.

 Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing. 

 Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you. 

 Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession. 

 Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. 

 Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things. 

 Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. 

 Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. 

 Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires. 

 Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. 

 Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager. 

 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. 

 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. 

 Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. 

 Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. 

 Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth.

 Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus.

 John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. 

 John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being. 

 Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. 

 Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.

 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 

 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. 

 1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I lovedthat I might gain your love. 

 Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. 

 1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you from my love again.

 Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen.

 Luke 15:7

I have always been Father, and will always be Father.

 Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…Will you be my child? 

 John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you. 

 Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad

 Almighty God

Father's Love Letter used by permission Father Heart Communications © 1999-2013www.FathersLoveLetter.com

A husband's love for his wife

First and foremost, I want to thank God and give praise to Him for another divine encounter that has left me so deeply moved, teary-eyed and absolutely determined to write it as a note so as to give glory to Jesus. He always touches me to the right time to encourage me in my faith journey with Him and to remind me of what the term "perspective" is really all about. :-)

One of the most wonderful things in my life has been my conversations with cab drivers, which mostly take place on Friday nights after cellgroup meetings. Tonight was another divine encounter. I left my cellgroup leader's house at 10pm. Took the lift down, walked past the coffeeshop and then sat down on the entrance steps to one of the Peranakan double-storey homes facing the coffeeshop. I called for a cab and waited for a booking to be confirmed. After 10 minutes, I saw an empty cab drive out from the carpark next to the coffeeshop. So I stood up and hailed the cab. It stopped and picked me up. The cab driver asked me for my preferred route and I told him to take the AYE. He was happy because he said that although the route was longer, it was not as congested as the PIE. I then explained to him that sometimes I would take a cab late after work near China Square and I would always ask the cab driver to take the AYE. So he asked me why I was there so late tonight, and I told him that I had just finished attending a cellgroup session. He then said: "Oh! I'm a Christian, too, and I attend New Creation Church's hokkien service under Pastor Mark." After that, we started chatting about other stuff.

During the journey, I suddenly felt that I should ask him when he accepted Jesus as his Saviour and what led him to do so. He told me that he accepted Jesus as his Lord and Saviour five years ago. During that time, his wife discovered that she had breast cancer and subsequently had one breast removed. After the masectomy, his wife fell into severe depression. He told me that he stopped work for 18 months to take care of his wife because she was in very bad shape. The wife was under medication but continued to be severely depressed.

Then one day, his friend brought along a lady volunteer/counsellor who gave his wife a bible on their first meeting. He said he knew something was different when his wife accepted the bible and started talking well to the lady, in a tone and manner that contrasted with how she had behaved over the past few months. He mentioned that he was a freethinker at that time. The lady followed up with his wife and accompanied him and his wife as they went from church to church to find a church to settle in. His wife was comfortable with New Creation Church. He said that after attending church for six months, she recovered from her depression to the extent that her doctor said she could go off medication and to see him only if she felt a need to. He kept praising God as he was telling me this story and said that God was all powerful. He and his wife have been faithfully attending church ever since. 

After sharing his wife's story, he also shared his own testimony. He said that he suffered a stroke a year ago and when his family was rushing him to hospital, they kept praying for him in the car all the way to the hospital. When he arrived at the hospital, the doctor who examined him said he had indeed suffered a stroke but that his body was fine. He took two to three months off just to rest and recover, and then he resumed driving his cab.When the cab reached my destination, I paid him the fare and told him: "I can tell that you love your wife very much." He looked at me and replied: "God bless you."  

Our Deepest Fear

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
- Marianne Williamson (Our Deepest Fear)

I choose Jesus

I Choose Jesus - Moriah Peters

In remembrance

A man who ignited my love for books was born on this day. 

I aim to place a rose on his grave some day. 

Thank you, Tolstoy, for making me part of who I am today.

The ties that bind

I committed to writing a reflective note about my birthday. As I thought about what I wanted to write, it became clear that I wanted to write about myself but more than that, I wanted this note to be about other people. No man, or indeed woman, is an island. As much as I crave for solitude, I need to constantly remind myself that life is all about people and connections.

Some people come into my life and I know they will be there till I die. Others appear at certain times and make an impression so deep and lasting that even when they fade out, I am no longer the same. And there are others, who have not been in contact with me for many years. But I know that as and when we do meet up, there is no barrier. We will be transported back to that time when we were young and foolish and so full of dreams, and we will behave as we did then. Yet others leave, and some of them leave graciously. I hope that when I meet them again sometime, somewhere, we can look at one another and smile, and pick up from where we left off.

So, I want to honour the ties that bind. 

To the people mentioned in this note, your presence in my life is a blessing to me. I thank God for you.

+ Every single person who whatsapped me, Facebooked me or smsed me to wish me Happy Birthday. I appreciate all your good wishes and made it a point to reply to all of you individually. Thank you. All of you made my day. J

+ My family, even though only half of them could make it for dim sum at Wah Lok because of my poor organisational skills, in particular my nephew whose eyes lit up when I mentioned that we could order Peking duck. To my elder sister, who gave me a DVF bag, and always whatsapps me the latest bag and shoe sales on online US websites, in particular, Neiman Marcus, Nordstrom and Ralph Lauren. To my younger sister, who sometimes seems more adult than I am!

+ My extended family, whom I am grateful for. Thank you to all my uncles, aunties and cousins. I’m happy to say that we’re getting more and more new additions to this group. Two are flying in early next month, along with their parents. J

+ My BFFs - three who had dinner and coffee with me on the night of my birthday, and I know the one in Deutschland was with us in spirit that night, too. The one who loves her wrist, the one who loves to bake, the one who loves meat, and the one who loves justice; the group that never stops chatting, never tires of chatting and never runs out of things to chat about (contributed by the one who loves justice).

+ My very dear friends - One living in the US whom I message almost daily and confide in; one who just went to Penang; one who is now in Langkawi; one who has made it, wedding dress and all, to Dublin; one who is a fellow sojourner in Christ and alerts me to YWAM events among others; one who just bought her own place; one who is always open and honest with me; and one who was my shopping guru/consultant.

+ The Usual Suspects – never would I dare dream that I could meet such a solid bunch so late in my life. Thank you all for a fabulous time in HK, as well as for dinner + birthday sms dedication to GoodFellas at Timbre. Leave no man behind, indeed.  

+ WMC CM – thank you for the ministry which allows me to help others. In doing so, I am more self-aware and I have been ministered to in so many ways. The fellowship is always wonderful. I’m so looking forward to the October retreat.

+ The “A” list – the wonderful wordsmiths around me who get it that I am so focused that I seem sucked into my screen; that I talk/communicate only via Lync; that I am hard of hearing; that I can’t see well, too; that I am liable to hum/sing/raise my hands or stare at the ceiling at my desk; that I have a glazed look; that I go off-tangent sometimes; and that I decline lunch invites sometimes because I need my alone time. To the one who is going to Bali; the one who just came back from Sri Lanka; the one who is going to Australia; the one who was in HK; the one who loves Viet and Mexican food; and the one who loves salads. J

+ Others worthy of mention in the “A” list: to the one who treated me to delicious dry mee suah at a kopitiam and, more importantly, trusted me in many things; the one who treated me to mocha at Dimbula’s and kept repeating “you’re not 25 anymore, you know? You’re not 25 anymore, you know?”; the one whom I meet every day in the transport van and who shares a common love for anything creative and whom I hope will be very famous some day because I own some of his paintings; the one who brought me on a long and winding road to Shoebox Canteen with another, treated me to awesome seafood pasta, brought us to shop for accessories (although I bought only one accessory and many pairs of colourful socks); made a detour to Good Morning Nanyang Cafe at Telok Ayer Hong Lim Green Community Centre; and took a different route back to the office, thus ensuring that I don’t think I know how to get back to Shoebox Canteen on my own (but it’s okay, it’s alright, it’s fine); and to the others who make it such a joy for me to go into the office and to simply write, write, write, write and write.

+ The cat-lover, who whatsapped me to ask me to be by the side door around 2pm one day. I replied “okay” but subsequently switched back to work mode. Then a colleague whispered to me: “Hey, someone’s waiting for you in the pantry.” I jumped out of my seat and raced to the pantry, apologising profusely for forgetting. Apart from the DVDs that were returned to me, I was also handed a belated birthday gift - a Lin Hwai-min autographed book on Cloud Gate Dance Theatre, along with a nice hand-written note. It caught me by surprise, but it was a very sweet gesture.

+ The newsroom crowd – miss the buzz and I am so thankful that we make it a point to always catch up as and when one of us has a birthday. You are all keepers for life.

Thank you, Jesus. You are the Alpha and the Omega. May my life always reflect You, my Lord and my Saviour. :-)

What is the first thing you do when you wake up?

A session was cancelled tonight and because of that, I took a cab home. It turned out to be another one of those rides, which were worth the fare. First, the driver updated me about the jams on the different expressways and asked me if I had any preferred route. I left it to him to decide.

During the journey, he opted for a long and winding way along Old Holland Road to connect to Bukit Timah Road. That stretch was one I had never taken before. It was beautiful. There were many big houses on both sides of the road and close to the end of it, there was a big field on the left. I could see a woman with her two kids at the edge of the field, four men talking beside two parked cars next to the field, and one man whose dog was scampering across the field. The sun was almost setting and so the sky over the field was a hazy blue of many shades with orange tinges peeping through the clouds. I tried taking photos but managed only four blurry shots. At the end of the road on the right, I saw the MGS school for the first time. It was well-lit and looked so big and so spacious.

We turned out of the road and straight into a jam along Upper Bukit Timah Road. This set me talking again about crowded roads, MRT stoppages, inadequate public infrastructure, the government, Lee Kuan Yew, ministers, especially the rude and arrogant ones, as well as upstarts looking to make a mark. Then we turned to George Yeo. I shared with him my thoughts by starting like this: "Oh, well, since George Yeo is a Catholic and I'm a Christian, I believe that God set him aside for higher things." The cab driver replied and said, "Oh, I'm a Christian, too! And yes, he has that Vatican thing now."

Given that, we started talking about faith and other Christian topics. City Harvest came up and I shared with him how I was led to a view on that as a result of some words. He then asked me whether I was from City Harvest and I said no. The discusson on City Harvest was quite long but thought-provoking.

He then asked me if I read the Bible daily. I said I did so during my rides to the office in the mornings and used a daily guide which contained verses from various parts of the Bible. I told him that I didn't really like that because the verses were not set in their proper context. And I told him that I also set aside time on Sundays to study the Bible, a book at a time.

The cab driver then noted that one should wake up earlier in the morning to set aside time for daily devotion so that one was prepared for the day ahead, and that the night was meant for one to reflect on the verses as well as on the day just past. I told him frankly that I found it tough waking up, much less waking up earlier for morning devotion. He asked me: "What is the first thing you do when you wake up?" I replied: "Oh, I brush my teeth." He laughed and said: "Actually the first thing we should do when we wake up is to thank God for giving us a new day."

At the end of the ride, he turned to me and said: "I hope you were okay with what I said?" I replied: "Of course, this must be a divine encounter and we may yet meet each other again some time in the future." I smiled at him and alighted from the cab.

Stepping out

Are you boxed in?

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Communing with God

Seeking always to be in the inner court.

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God is with us

Zechariah 8:20-23

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Malachi 1:11

For My name shall be great among the nations, says the LORD of hosts.

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No higher calling

No higher calling
(Lenny LeBlanc, Greg Gulley)

Down at Your feet, Oh Lord

Is the most high place

In Your presence, Lord

I seek Your face, I seek your face

Chorus

There is no higher calling no greater honor

Than to bow and kneel before Your throne

I'm amazed at Your glory, embraced by Your mercy

Oh Lord, I live to worship You

Down at Your feet, Oh Lord

Is the most high place

In Your presence, Lord

We seek Your face, we seek your face

Precious moments

Dinner with two friends. Familiar, comforting and relaxed. Conversation touched on faith, life, retirement, haze, property, jobs, South America, walking, exercising, Japan, Muji's HQ, Siem Reap, foreign aid, PR, storage, boundaries (ha ha ha!) and a lot more other things. How rich. How deep. How binding. How meaningful. So life. :-) 

Abandoned to God

The one thing that remains is looking in the face of God for ourselves.
- Oswald Chambers

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The fruit of the spirit

How does the Spirit of God manifest itself through us? Often we think that to witness means to speak up in defense of God. This idea can make us very self-conscious. We wonder where and how we can make God the topic of our conversations and how to convince our families, friends, neighbors, and colleagues of God's presence in their lives. But this explicit missionary endeavour often comes from an insecure heart and, therefore, easily creates divisions. The way God's Spirit manifests itself most convincingly is through its fruits: "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control" (Galatians 5:22). These fruits speak for themselves. It is therefore always better to raise the question "How can I grow in the Spirit?" than the question "How can I make others believe in the Spirit?"
- Henri Nouwen

Grace in action

When God's grace appears, it could be in a lunch where only one's faith is shared; in a frank and direct exchange that makes one more self-aware; in a light session at the end of a heavy week; in two fellow sojourners entering one's room for a while; and finally, in many trusted souls who weighed in with wisdom. Thank you, Lord. 

Not my will but Yours be done

Always a joy to hear Pastor Benny Ho preach at COOS. Bought a book study on Haggai (Heart for the House) by him at the book table, although most others were scrambling to buy his latest teaching on Elijah. Some food for thought from his sermon this morning:
+ Are we seeking a God that we want or seeking a God who is?
+ Do we define God or does God define us?
+ Commitment produces cultural Christians who set their minds on and worship the God they want. Surrender produces biblical Christians who set their minds on and worship the God who is.

A beautiful day

What constitutes a beautiful day for me: The skies opened. An interesting lunch + learn session. Some big reports were sent off. An impromptu dinner suggestion. The Market Grill with two of the usual suspects. A sublime bleu cheese burger. A cab heading towards the taxi stand. Eight new movie DVDs waiting for me at home. One communication workbook to read. And lastly, 1.5 hours of free time before bedtime.

Crossings

Walk over.

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A note to self

Stay true.

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On craftsmanship

Since the only test of truth is length of life, and since words survive the chops and changes of time longer than any other substance, therefore they are the truest. Buildings fall; even the earth perishes. What was yesterday a cornfield is to-day a bungalow. But words, if properly used, seem able to live for ever.

Our business is to see what we can do with the English language as it is. How can we combine the old words in new orders so that they survive, so that they create beauty, so that they tell the truth? That is the question. 

And the person who could answer that question would deserve whatever crown of glory the world has to offer. Think what it would mean if you could teach, if you could learn, the art of writing. Why, every book, every newspaper would tell the truth, would create beauty.

- Virginia Woolf

I Vow To Thee My Country

Beautiful rendition of the hymn I Vow To Thee My Country by Beck Goldsmith

I Vow To Thee My Country

I vow to thee, my country, all earthly things above,

Entire and whole and perfect, the service of my love;

The love that asks no question, the love that stands the test,

That lays upon the altar the dearest and the best;

The love that never falters, the love that pays the price,

The love that makes undaunted the final sacrifice.

I heard my country calling, away across the sea,

Across the waste of waters she calls and calls to me.

Her sword is girded at her side, her helmet on her head,

And round her feet are lying the dying and the dead.

I hear the noise of battle, the thunder of her guns,

I haste to thee my mother, a son among thy sons.

And there's another country, I've heard of long ago,

Most dear to them that love her, most great to them that know;

We may not count her armies, we may not see her King;

Her fortress is a faithful heart, her pride is suffering;

And soul by soul and silently her shining bounds increase,

And her ways are ways of gentleness, and all her paths are peace.

Tipping over

I learnt something about a widely used screening method for alcoholism. CAGE comprises four questions, of which two "yes" responses indicate that the possibility of alcoholism should be investigated further. 

The questions are:
1. Have you ever felt you needed to Cut down on your drinking?
2. Have people Annoyed you by criticizing your drinking?
3. Have you ever felt Guilty about drinking?
4. Have you ever felt you needed a drink first thing in the morning (Eye-opener) to steady your nerves or to get rid of a hangover?

CAGE is considered a validated screening technique, with one study determining that CAGE test scores >=2 had a specificity of 93% and a sensitivity of 76% for the identification of problem drinkers.

Source: Wikipedia

Where does one go to in Singapore for help?
Answer: National Addictions Management Service
http://www.nams.sg/Pages/index.aspx

Simple joys of life

Happiness is having a friend who's a military/political buff giving you his list of must-read books. I've just downloaded 15 or more books into my Kindle, covering DMZ, China, Japan, Vietnam, WWII, Hitler, Israel, Holocaust, US Pacific War and Churchill. Just a pity that some of his recommendations are not available on Kindle yet! I may have to get the hard copies. 

He's alive and we've only just begun to worship Him

He's alive - Suzy Yaraei

Full surrender

This past weekend was super packed for me, but for all the right reasons. Saturday was spent at Sentosa first and then at Wesley for Day 1 of Karar. We ended around 5.15pm. I was wondering how to occupy my time because I had a dinner appointment with two dear university friends at 7.30pm. One of the Karar co-leaders suggested that I attend Wesley’s Saturday service which had already started at 5pm in the Wesley hall just a few steps away from where we were standing. So I took her suggestion and went for the service. 

To my delight, the new pastor-in-charge Reverend Dr Kow Shih Ming was giving the sermon. His message was The Key to Following Jesus with the scripture reading from Luke 9:23. He noted that Christians usually wanted Jesus in their cars but not in the driver’s seat. This was because when Jesus was driving, He was in charge and He drove according to where He wanted to go; not where we wanted to go. His question to us was “Who is in charge of our lives?” Is it Jesus or is it us? 

The key to following Jesus, he noted, was total surrender. It didn’t mean that we become totally passive; rather, surrender is the glad and voluntary acknowledgment that there is a God and it is not me. His purposes are wiser and better than our desires. Jesus does not come to rearrange the outside of our life the way we want. He comes to rearrange the inside of our life the way God wants. Surrender takes courage in trusting Jesus and that our lives will be better than Him in charge. Surrender is a daily matter. Surrender means learning to be authentic for God and seeking to handle everything in a way that honours God. Surrender, however, comes with a cost. It means dying to our self and handing all aspects of our lives over to Jesus. The vicar gave us a paper key at the beginning of the service and at the end of it, he asked us to write our names and number the date as an act of commitment towards a full surrender to God. 

The service was also meaningful to me because of Holy Communion. I attend an Anglican church and it was quite educational to me to see how Holy Communion was conducted slightly differently in a Methodist setting. One of the differences was that the vicar and others leading in the Communion were kneeling before the Cross when they were reciting the prayers before partaking of the Communion. I found this humbling because it was such a stark visual reminder of our status before God, as well as His sacrifice for man.

On Sunday, I was deciding whether to attend my own church’s 10.30am service. Around 9am, my alarm sounded. After another 45 minutes, I jumped out of bed, took a shower and hailed a cab to church because I got a message that I was to meet in church after service to go to a home of one of my Kyrgyzstan mission trip mates. We were having a lunch gathering there because the missionary had returned home to Singapore for a few months. 

I was just in time for the 10.30am service. Again, there was an unexpected speaker in Reverend Canon Terry Wong, vicar of St Jame’s Church, who spoke on temptation. Broadly, he defined temptation as anything that takes us away or distracts us from being the person that God has intended us to be. Drawing on Matthew 4:1-11, he noted that temptation usually comes in three ways. 

First, the Devil tempts us to focus only on the one need of that hour, with all other things fading into the background. That one thing would have seemed the most important, akin to an object in a photo with a shallow depth of field. This need comes in various forms – the need for affirmation; the need for intimacy; the need for sex; the need for power, the need for money; and so on. He urged us not to be deceived and not to open the door, not even a crack, to temptation. “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.” 

Second, the Devil tempts us through half-truths. Half-truths are lies. Defeats, failures and setbacks are temporary in a Christian's life, as long as one is submitted to God. We are already victors in Christ for eternity.

Lastly, the Devil tempts us by focusing on the end result through our need for significance. The lesson is not to reach there in our own way but by following God’s way. Rev Canon Terry summed up his message by saying that Jesus’ temptation took place in the desert, which suggests that we all have to face our struggles in our own desert. However, that place where we are alone is also a place of deep communion with God. He also tells us about this talk that he had with someone who works with former drug addicts who have turned to Christ. He asked this person: “How do you know that a person has not reverted back to drugs again?” The reply: “I keep tabs and ask him about his personal walk with God and I also take note of his fellowship with other Christians.” This was a reminder to me of how I was to keep tabs on my spiritual health – whether I was spending time alone with God as well as connecting to other Christians in fellowship.

I went for lunch and returned home around 4pm to do some work. After finishing the work, I reflected on the fact that the Singapore church was receiving its next generation of pastors, which included my own pastor Daniel Wee, Rev Dr Kow and Rev Canon Wong. As Rev Canon Wong remarked before he started his sermon, this new generation of pastors have some very big shoes to fill. He asked that we would pray for them because they are the leaders who will oversee the kingdom of God in Singapore over the next one to two decades. I felt quite privileged to have heard from two of them over just one weekend, without actually planning to in the first place.