Divorce and remarriage - the biblical perspective

Interesting side discussion on the biblical perspective of divorce and remarriage tonight. So I went hunting for resources. Found this 2007 cover story on the Christianity Today website. This writer read the Bible and ancient Jewish documents side by side to enable him to have a clearer perspective. Worth a read. 

The article from Christianity Today's website:
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2007/october/20.26.html?paging=off

If you have only two minutes, the conclusion is this:
Divorce is only allowed for a limited number of grounds that are found in the Old Testament and affirmed in the New Testament:

* Adultery (in Deuteronomy 24:1, affirmed by Jesus in Matthew 19)

* Emotional and physical neglect (in Exodus 21:10-11, affirmed by Paul in 1 Corinthians 7)

* Abandonment and abuse (included in neglect, as affirmed in 1 Corinthians 7)

Early detection saves lives, saves breasts

Went for an educational office lunch-time talk about breast cancer awareness last Friday, which was well-attended. Kudos to the people who organised the talk. :-)

The most moving part of the talk for me was the sharing by a breast cancer survivor. She spoke about the following:

+ How she felt when she first heard the news (the crash that followed when she had questions like "why me" and "what will happen to my husband and my two young kids if I die")

+ What she had to go through, the emotional and physical pain, as well as the tremendous support from fellow breast cancer survivors through the Breast Cancer Foundation in Singapore

+ The removal of her breasts and the reconstructive surgery that followed

+ How she had to struggle with her identity as a woman when all her "woman assets" were removed, including her ovaries (estrogen produced by ovaries feeds cancer growth)

+ How Angelina Jolie made her famous. She, too, carries the BRCA1 gene and was interviewed by The Straits Times after Jolie announced her double mastectomy

+ How she is carrying on with her life - Everest base camp (done), marathon (done), mini-triathlon (done), and her list goes on. An interesting point: the repetitive motion in paddling during dragon boat racing helps in recovery after reconstruction surgery, and the foundation has a dragon boat racing team of breast cancer survivors.  

My reflection: It is difficult to talk to complete strangers about surviving breast cancer because in speaking about the experience, one needs to again face certain feelings, thoughts and emotions that one had gone through then. So kudos to her for her courage in sharing her experience so that others like me can benefit. Her experience also highlights the importance of a strong support network in terms of going through the ups and downs of life. If you need help, tell someone, call someone, text someone or meet someone. Reach out so that others can reach out to you.  

The following information has been taken from the Breast Cancer Foundation website.

http://www.bcf.org.sg/ 

Protect Yourself Against Breast Cancer

1. Practise a healthy lifestyle.

• Be physically active. Exercise 3 - 5 times a week for at least 30 minutes each time.
• Maintain a healthy weight.
• Eat a diet that is rich in fruits, vegetables and whole grains and low in fats with an emphasis on good fats (monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats) over bad fats (saturated and trans fats).
• Limit alcohol intake to less than one alcoholic drink a day.
• Breastfeed children instead of formula feeding them (if possible).

2. Be aware of breast cancer and its symptoms.

3. Screen yourself for breast cancer regularly.

Early detection offers more treatment options and a better chance of survival and recovery. Take charge of your own breast health and detect changes in your breast through:

• Breast Self Examination
• Clinical Breast Examination (by a healthcare professional)
• Mammography

Never be afraid to examine your breasts or to have them examined. Finding out that you do not have breast cancer is more important than the time and effort required for an examination, or any discomfort you may feel.

The Myths and the Truths:

Breast cancer is a death sentence.

> If detected and treated early enough, breast cancer need not result in death. Early detection can help save lives and breasts.

Breast cancer is hereditary.

> Breast cancer is not always hereditary. Over 90% of women in Singapore with breast cancer have no known family history of the disease.

If I have bigger breasts, I have a higher chance of getting breast cancer.

> This has not been proven by research. Someone who has smaller breasts has an equal chance of getting breast cancer as one who is well-endowed. Being overweight, however, does increase your risk.

Breast cancer is contagious.

> You cannot be infected with breast cancer through physical contact (touching, drinking out of the same cup, sharing food, or having sex).

Deodorants, anti-perspirants or wearing bras cause cancer.

> To date, there is no scientifically proven data to support these claims.

All breast lumps are cancerous.

> Nine out of 10 breast lumps are not cancer. Most lumps detected under the age of 30 are benign.

An injury to the breast can cause cancer.

> A bruise or hit to the breast won’t cause cancer. If cancer develops in a spot that has been injured, it is just a coincidence.

As long as I have had a mammogram that did not show any abnormalities, I am safe from breast cancer.

> Cancer can occur at any time. That’s why mammograms should be done annually or once in two years, along with monthly Breast Self Examination and yearly Clinical Breast Examinations so that any changes or abnormalities can be picked up early and checked by a doctor.

Breast cancer lumps are painful and grow fast.

> Breast cancer lumps tend to be painless, hard, fixed in position and persist even after a few menstrual cycles. They usually grow slowly. If you are diagnosed with breast cancer, take a little time to talk to relevant people or even seek a second opinion before deciding on treatment.

Mastectomy (removal of the entire breast) is the only way to get rid of breast cancer.

> Mastectomy is not required for all breast cancers. Thanks to new technology, recent research and improved therapies, those diagnosed with breast cancer have a variety of options, depending on the stage and type of breast cancer.

Mark Twain on life

“It’s no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.”

“Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.”

“When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old.”

1. Approve of yourself.

“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”

If you don’t approve of yourself, of your behaviour and actions then you’ll probably walk around most of the day with a sort of uncomfortable feeling. If you, on the other hand, approve of yourself then you tend to become relaxed and gain inner freedom to do more of what you really want.

This can, in a related way, be a big obstacle in personal growth. You may have all the right tools to grow in some way but you feel an inner resistance. You can’t get there.

What you may be bumping into there are success barriers. You are putting up barriers in your own mind of what you may or may not deserve. Or barriers that tell you what you are capable of. They might tell you that you aren’t really that kind of person that could this thing that you’re attempting.

Or if you make some headway in the direction you want to go you may start to sabotage for yourself. To keep yourself in a place that is familiar for you.

So you need give yourself approval and allow yourself to be who you want to be. Not look for the approval from others. But from yourself. To dissolve that inner barrier or let go of that self-sabotaging tendency. This is no easy task and it can take time.

2. Your limitations may just be in your mind.

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”

So many limitations are mostly in our minds. We may for instance think that people will disapprove because we are too tall, too old or balding. But these things mostly matter when you think they matter. Because you become self-conscious and worried about what people may think.

And people pick up on that and may react in negative ways. Or you may interpret anything they do as a negative reaction because you are so fearful of a bad reaction and so focused inward on yourself.

If you, on the other hand, don’t mind then people tend to not mind that much either. And if you don’t mind then you won’t let that part of yourself become a self-imposed roadblock in your life.

It is, for instance, seldom too late to do what you want to do.

3. Lighten up and have some fun.

“Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.”

“Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.”

Humor and laughter are amazing tools. They can turn any serious situation into something to laugh about. They can lighten the mood just about anywhere.

And a lighter mood is often a better space to work in because now your body and mind isn’t filled to the brim with negative emotions. When you are more light-hearted and relaxed then the solution to a situation is often easier to both come up with and implement. Have a look at Lighten Up! for more on this topic.

4. Let go of anger.

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”

Anger is most of the time pretty pointless. It can cause situations to get out of hand. And from a selfish perspective it often more hurtful for the one being angry then the person s/he’s angry at.

So even if you feel angry at someone for days recognize that you are mostly just hurting yourself. The other person may not even be aware that you are angry at him or her. So either talking to the person and resolving the conflict or letting go of anger as quickly as possible are pretty good tips to make your life more pleasurable.

5. Release yourself from entitlement.

“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”

When you are young your mom and dad may give a lot of things. As you grow older you may have a sort of entitlement. You may feel like the world should just give you what you want or that it owes you something.

This belief can cause a lot of anger and frustration in your life. Because the world may not give you what expect it to. On the other hand, this can be liberating too. You realize that it is up to you to shape your own life and for you to work towards what you want. You are not a kid anymore, waiting for your parents or the world to give you something.

You are in the driver’s seat now. And you can go pretty much wherever you want.

6. If you’re taking a different path, prepare for reactions.

“A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.”

I think this has quite a bit of relevance to self-improvement.

If you start to change or do something different than you usually do then people may react in different ways. Some may be happy for you. Some may be indifferent. Some may be puzzled or react in negative and discouraging ways.

Much of these reactions are probably not so much about you but about the person who said it and his/her life. How they feel about themselves is coming through in the words they use and judgements they make.

And that’s OK. I think it’s pretty likely that they won’t react as negatively as you may imagine. Or they will probably at least go back to focusing on their own challenges pretty soon.

So what other people may say and think and letting that hold you back is probably just fantasy and barrier you build in your mind.

You may find that when you finally cross that inner threshold you created then people around you may not shun you or go chasing after you with pitchforks.  They might just go: “OK”.

7. Keep your focus steadily on what you want.

“Drag your thoughts away from your troubles… by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.”

What you focus your mind on greatly determines how things play out. You can focus on your problems and dwell in suffering and a victim mentality. Or you can focus on the positive in situation, what you can learn from that situation or just focus your mind on something entirely else.

It may be “normal” to dwell on problems and swim around in a sea of negativity. But that is a choice. And a thought habit. You may reflexively start to dwell on problems instead of refocusing your mind on something more useful. But you can also start to build a habit of learning to gain more and more control of where you put your focus.

8. Don’t focus so much on making yourself feel good.

“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.”

This may be a bit of a counter-intuitive tip. But as I wrote yesterday, one of the best ways to feel good about yourself is to make someone else feel good or to help them in some way.

This is a great way to look at things to create an upward spiral of positivity and exchange of value between people. You help someone and both of you feel good. The person you helped feels inclined to give you a hand later on since people tend to want to reciprocate. And so the both of you are feeling good and helping each other.

Those positive feelings are contagious to other people and so you may end up making them feel good too. And the help you received from your friend may inspire you to go and help another friend. And so the upward spiral grows and continues.

9. Do what you want to do.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did so. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

Awesome quote. And I really don’t have much to add to that one. Well, maybe to write it down and keep it as a daily reminder – on your fridge or bathroom door – of what you can actually do with your life.

 Source: http://www.wordporn.org/mark-twains-top-9-tips-living-kick-ass-life/

The original and the parody

Such a delight to re-read Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, with art by Yayoi Kusuma. It was tough to read his words and not get distracted by the artwork. Reproducing a poem and Carroll's wickedly funny parody of it in his tale. 

The Old Man's Comforts and How He Gained Them

 by Robert Southey

"You are old, father William," the young man cried,

"The few locks which are left you are grey;

You are hale, father William, a hearty old man;

Now tell me the reason, I pray."

"In the days of my youth," father William replied,

"I remember'd that youth would fly fast,

And abus'd not my health and my vigour at first,

That I never might need them at last."

"You are old, father William," the young man cried,

"And pleasures with youth pass away.

And yet you lament not the days that are gone;

Now tell me the reason, I pray."

"In the days of my youth," father William replied,

"I remember'd that youth could not last;

I thought of the future, whatever I did,

That I never might grieve for the past."

"You are old, father William," the young man cried,

"And life must be hast'ning away;

You are cheerful and love to converse upon death;

Now tell me the reason, I pray."

"I am cheerful, young man," father William replied,

"Let the cause thy attention engage;

In the days of my youth I remember'd my God!

And He hath not forgotten my age."

You Are Old, Father William

by Lewis Carroll

"You are old, Father William," the young man said,

"And your hair has become very white;

And yet you incessantly stand on your head—

Do you think, at your age, it is right?"

"In my youth," Father William replied to his son,

"I feared it might injure the brain;

But now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,

Why, I do it again and again."

"You are old," said the youth, "As I mentioned before,

And have grown most uncommonly fat;

Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door—

Pray, what is the reason of that?"

"In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,

"I kept all my limbs very supple

By the use of this ointment—one shilling the box—

Allow me to sell you a couple?"

"You are old," said the youth, "And your jaws are too weak

For anything tougher than suet;

Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak—

Pray, how did you manage to do it?"

"In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law,

And argued each case with my wife;

And the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw,

Has lasted the rest of my life."

"You are old," said the youth, "one would hardly suppose

That your eye was as steady as ever;

Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose—

What made you so awfully clever?"

"I have answered three questions, and that is enough,

"Said his father; "don't give yourself airs!

Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?

Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!"