Friday, April 29, 2011

Autism - a ray of hope




Carly: "I am autistic but that is not who I am. Take time to know me, before you judge me."

Carly, why do autistic kids cover their ears, flap their hands, hum or rock (a lot)?

Carly: It's a way for us to drown out all sensory inputs that overload us all at once. We create output to block out input....I take over thousands of a person's face when I look at them. That's why we have a hard time looking at people.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Bits and pieces of Rilke

If you are the dreamer, I am what you dream.
But when you want to wake, I am your wish,
and I grow strong with all magnificence
and turn myself into a star's vast silence
above the strange and distant city, Time.

Whoever has no house now, will never have one.
Whoever is alone will stay alone,
will sit, read, write long letters through the evening,
and wander on the boulevards, up and down,
restlessly, while the dry leaves are blowing.

while swimming in some isolated place,
a girl hears leaves rustle, and turns to look:
the forest pool reflected in her face.

I have my dead, and I have let them go,
and was amazed to see them so contented,
so soon at home in being dead, so cheerful,
so unlike their reputation.

For this is wrong, if anything is wrong:
not to enlarge the freedom of a love
with all the inner freedom one can summon.
We need, in love, to practise only this:
letting each other go. For holding on
comes easily; we do not need to learn it.

For The Sake of a Single Poem
... Ah, poems amount to so little when you write them too early in your life. You ought to wait and gather sense and sweetness for a whole lifetime, and a long one if possible, and then, at the very end, you might perhaps be able to write ten good lines. For poems are not, as people think, simply emotions (one has emotions early enough) -- they are experiences. For the sake of a single poem, you must see many cities, many people and Things, you must understand animals, must feel how birds fly, and know the gesture which small flowers make when they open in the morning. You must be able to think back to streets in unknown neighborhoods, to unexpected encounters, and to partings you had long seen coming; to days of childhood whose mystery is still unexplained, to parents whom you had to hurt when they brought in a joy and you didn't pick it up (it was a joy meant for somebody else --); to childhood illnesses that began so strangely with so many profound and difficult transformations, to days in quiet, restrained rooms and to mornings by the sea, to the sea itself, to seas, to nights of travel that rushed along high overhead and went flying with all the stars, -- and it is still not enough to be able to think of all that. You must have memories of many nights of love, each one different from all the others, memories of women screaming in labor, and of light, pale, sleeping girls who have just given birth and are closing again. But you must also have been beside the dying, must have sat beside the dead in the room with the open window and the scattered noises. And it is not yet enough to have memories. You must be able to forget them when they are many, and you must have the immense patience to wait until they return. For the memories themselves are not important. Only when they have changed into our very blood, into glance and gesture, and are nameless, no longer to be distinguished from ourselves -- only then can it happen that in some very rare hour the first word of a poem arises in their midst and goes forth from them.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Jesus is alive!

Happy Day by Tim Hughes


Jesus is alive! He's alive! Oh happy day, happy day, you washed my sin away. Oh happy day, happy day, I'll never be the same. Forever I am changed. What a glorious, glorious day!

Saturday, April 23, 2011

The Noonday Demon

Just finished reading a book called The Noonday Demon written by Andrew Solomon and learnt a lot from it about depression. Sharing a few things here.

* Many depressed people have substantially reduced sleep altogether, and insomnia during depression is a predictor of suicidality.

* Twice as many women as men seem to suffer depression but men are four times as likely to commit suicide as women.

* Depression affects as much as 80% of the Inuit peoples in Greenland. Aside from the harsh climate (the sun goes away for three months every year), the Inuit have a taboo against complaining.

* Exercise and diet play an important role in the progress of affective illness.
- Exercise produces endorphins. They make you feel better if you're feeling awful. Exercise allays anxiety, too, and this helps to contain irrational fear.

- You are what you eat; you feel what you are. Many people develop depressive symptoms as part of adrenal exhaustion, a consequence of excessive indulgence in sugars and carbohydrates. If your blood sugar level fluctuates because of quick fixes from sweets and junk food, this will cause sleep problems. Coffee sucks energy and stimulates anxiety responses. Alcohol, of course, takes a substantial toll on the body.

* The earliest written reference to marijuana is in a Chinese text on herbal remedies of the 15th century BC, but the stuff did not become common in the West until Napoleon's army brought it back from Egypt.


Saturday, April 16, 2011

Comfort during a time of grief

I was just told by a friend that his mum died of cancer, a few weeks after I went to visit his mum and pray for her. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. His mum is now with God. I'm attending the funeral service tonight and pray that the Holy Spirit will lead me to say the right things to him. Amen.



Sunday, April 10, 2011

Returning to my first love

Revelation 2

The loveless church

1 “To the angel of the church of Ephesus write,
‘These things says He who holds the seven stars in His right hand, who walks in the midst of the seven golden lampstands: 2 “I know your works, your labor, your patience, and that you cannot bear those who are evil. And you have tested those who say they are apostles and are not, and have found them liars; 3 and you have persevered and have patience, and have labored for My name’s sake and have not become weary. 4 Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love. 5 Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from its place—unless you repent. 6 But this you have, that you hate the deeds of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate.
7 “He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes I will give to eat from the tree of life, which is in the midst of the Paradise of God.”’

Lord, thank you for warning me against leaving my first love in the past few weeks. And that I am to repent and do the first works; if not, God can remove me from His presence and His glory can depart from my life. Lord, thank you for allowing me to wander so far away from you and yet always being so loving as to keep calling me to return to You.  

Thursday, April 7, 2011

No pejoratives


Who You Really Are: "If a human being dreams a great dream, dares to love somebody; if a human being dares to be Martin King, or Mahatma Gandhi, or Mother Theresa, or Malcolm X; if a human being dares to be bigger than the condition into which she or he was born—it means so can you. And so you can try to stretch, stretch, stretch yourself so you can internalize, 'Homo sum, humani nil a me alienum puto. I am a human being, nothing human can be alien to me.' That's one thing I'm learning."

I am a Child of God:  "If I think of my life as a class, and what I’ve really learned. I’ve learned a few things. First, I'm aware that I’m a child of God. It’s such an amazing understanding, to think that the “It” which made fleas and mountains, rivers and stars . . . made me. What I pray for is humility to know that there is something greater than “I”. And I have to know that the brute, the bigot, and the batterer are all children on God, whether they know it or not, and I’m supposed to treat them accordingly. It’s hard, and I blow it all the time."

Rainbows in the Clouds: "Prepare yourself so you that can be a rainbow in somebody elses cloud; somebody that may not look like you, may not call God the same name that you call God, if they call God at all, you see? And may not eat the same dishes prepared the way you do, may not dance your dances, or speak your language. But, be a blessing to somebody.  That’s what I think."

The power of words:  “Words are things, I’m convinced.  You must be careful about the words you use, or the words you allow to be used in your house. In the Old Testament we’re told in Genesis that, “In the beginning was the word, and the word was God, and the word was with God.” That’s in Genesis. Words are things. You must be careful, careful about calling people out of their names, using racial perjoratives and sexual perjoratives and all that ignorance. Don’t do that. Some day we’ll be able to measure the power of words. I think they are things. They get on the walls. They get in your wallpaper. They get in your rugs, in your upholstery, and your clothes, and finally in to you."

- Maya Angelou

I cannot remember when this conviction in me about the power of words to curse and bless became very very real to me. I reached a point where I was unwilling to or would rather say nothing than say something that will tip the spiritual balance towards Satan. It was as if I could see the spiritual environment around me darken ever so slightly whenever I said something or heard something that was not Godly. I've become increasingly reticent through the years. I firmly believe in the power of words to transform lives - we either bless or curse people through the words we say. I fail, and fail badly sometimes. Thank God that when that happens, I am able to turn to Him and say "Lord, forgive me because I have sinned" and know that I have been forgiven because of His sacrifice at Calvary. Thank God for His grace and love for such a sinner as me.


Ephesians 4:29-32 (New King James Version)

29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The Thought-Fox by Ted Hughes

I imagine this midnight moment's forest:
Something else is alive
Beside the clock's loneliness
And this blank page where my fingers move.

Through the window I see no star:
Something more near
Though deeper within darkness
Is entering the loneliness:

Cold, delicately as the dark snow
A fox's nose touches twig, leaf;
Two eyes serve a movement, that now
And again now, and now, and now

Sets neat prints into the snow
Between trees, and warily a lame
Shadow lags by stump and in hollow
Of a body that is bold to come

Across clearings, an eye,
A widening deepening greenness,
Brilliantly, concentratedly,
Coming about its own business

Till, with a sudden sharp hot stink of fox
It enters the dark hole of the head.
The window is starless still; the clock ticks,
The page is printed.

Study of the Object - Zbigniew Herbert

Study of the Object

1

 The most beautiful is the object
which does not exist

 it does not serve to carry water
or to preserve the ashes of a hero

 it was not cradled by Antigone
nor was a rat drowned in it

 it has no hole
and is entirely open

 seen
from every side
which means
hardly anticipated

 the hairs
of all its lines
join
in one stream of light

 neither
blindness
nor
death
can take away the object
which does not exist

2

 mark the place
where stood the object
which does not exist
with a black square
it will be
a simple dirge
for the beautiful absence

 manly regret
imprisoned
in a quadrangle

3

 now
all space
swells like an ocean

 a hurricane beats
on the black sail

 the wing of a blizzard circles
over the black square

 and the island sinks
beneath the salty increase

4

 now you have
empty space
more beautiful than the object
more beautiful than the place it leaves
it is the pre-world
a white paradise
of all possibilities
you may enter there
cry out
vertical-horizontal
perpendicular lightning
strikes the naked horizon

 we can stop at that
anyway you have already created a world

5

 obey the counsels
of the inner eye

 do not yield
to murmurs mutterings smackings

 it is the uncreated world
crowding before the gates of your canvas

 angels are offering
the rosy wadding of clouds

 trees are inserting everywhere
slovenly green hair

 kings are praising purple
and commanding their trumpeters
to gild

 even the whale asks for a portrait

 obey the counsels of the inner eye
admit no one

6

 extract
from the shadow of the object
which does not exist
from polar space
from the stern reveries of the inner eye
a chair

 beautiful and useless
like a cathedral in the wilderness

 place on the chair
a crumpled tablecloth
add to the idea of order
the idea of adventure

 let it be a confession of faith
before the vertical struggling with the horizontal

 let it be
quieter than angels
prouder than kings
more substantial than a whale
let it have the face of the last things

 we ask reveal o chair
the depths of the inner eye
the iris of necessity
the pupil of death
—Zbigniew Herbert

From The Collected Poems, 1956-1998 (Ecco), translated by Alissa Valles.

Into My Own - Robert Frost


One of my wishes is that those dark trees,
So old and firm they scarcely show the breeze,
Were not, as 'twere, the merest mask of gloom,
But stretched away unto the edge of doom.

I should not be withheld but that some day
Into their vastness I should steal away,
Fearless of ever finding open land,
Or highway where the slow wheel pours the sand.

I do not see why I should e'er turn back,
Or those should not set forth upon my track
To overtake me, who should miss me here
And long to know if still I held them dear.

They would not find me changed from him they knew—
Only more sure of all I thought was true.
—Robert Frost

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

A heart that is Yours

Psalm 114:7-8
Tremble, O earth, at the presence of the Lord, 
At the presence of the God of Jacob, 
Who turned the rock into a pool of water, 
The flint into a fountain of waters.

Ezekiel 11:19
Then I will give them one heart, and I will put a new spirit within them, and take the stony heart out of their flesh, and give them a heart of flesh, that they may walk in My statutes and keep My judgments and do them; and they shall be My people, and I will be their God.

Lord, sometimes I worry about my heart because I can feel the rocks. Pour out your Spirit into me that I may have a heart of flesh. Grant me that heart for peace-making, which encompasses wisdom, courage, sensitivity, love, devotion to truth and understanding. Amen.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Grey matters - C.S. Lewis gems

C.S. Lewis:

Christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance. The only thing it cannot be is moderately important.

I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.

The safest road to hell is the gradual one - the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.

There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, "All right, then, have it your way."
  
Good and evil both increase at compound interest. That is why the little decisions you and I make every day are of such infinite importance. The smallest good act today is the capture of a strategic point from which, a few months later, you may be able to go on to victories you never dreamed of. An apparently trivial indulgence in lust or anger today is the loss of a ridge or railway line or bridgehead from which the enemy may launch an attack otherwise impossible. 


When you have reached your own room, be kind to those who have chosen different doors and to those who are still in the hall. If they are wrong, they need your prayers all the more, and if they are your enemies, then you are under orders to pray for them. That is one of the rules common to the whole house.

We are what we believe we are. 

Literature adds to reality, it does not simply describe it. It enriches the necessary competencies that daily life requires and provides; and in this respect, it irrigates the deserts that our lives have already become.

You can't get a cup of tea big enough or a book long enough to suit me.

Reason is the natural order of truth; but imagination is the organ of meaning.

An explanation of cause is not a justification by reason.

The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of 60 minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is.

The task of the modern educator is not to cut down jungles, but to irrigate deserts.

The warm sun and the cold wind

I came across a quote by a Japanese corporate executive: "If  you need to make someone take off his coat, don't be like a cold wind. You should be like sunlight to make the person take off his coat voluntarily." 

For some reason, it made me think of evangelism. How are we to tell people about Christ? Do we "love" them to Christ or do we "hell" them to Christ?  

The power in redemption

A former colleague posed this question on his Facebook profile recently: How does one forgive himself?

I replied to him in this manner:

Here's how I forgive myself:
- I tell myself that forgiveness is difficult, and to to be patient with myself.
- I tell myself to love myself more by for example, doing things for myself that I like (reading books, listening to music, catching... concerts etc) and hanging out with people I like.
- I remind myself always that I am not perfect and should not expect others to be perfect, too.