My grandma died two Thursdays ago. All of us, except for my two cousins in the US, managed to spend some time with her during her short stay at the Ng Teng Fong Hospital before she died. Even my uncle living in JB. For this, I am very thankful to God.
I was happy to be able to play some Chinese hymns close to her ears as well as recite Psalm 23 in Chinese to her and Psalm 91 in English to her during one of the nights.
All of us got a chance to say our last words to her. The main message to her was "thank you for loving us", "thank you for taking care of some of us while we were young", "we are all well and to ask her to rest secure in that assurance and knowledge" and "do not be afraid because Jesus will be with you now and for eternity".
At her wake, we saw many familiar faces from our childhood. The uncle whom my grandma treated like her own son and who had visited my grandma when she was still at home. I remembered him as the uncle who played the piano and the one who singed his eyebrows and burnt his IC while he was frying something in the wok in his kitchen.
Another auntie whom I remember with much fondness, as with all her other sisters and my uncle, also came by to pay her last respects to my grandma with her younger sister. You cannot imagine my joy when I saw her after a lapse of almost 30 years. That family took such great care of me, my elder sister and my younger brother when we were very young. They took us everywhere with their then-boyfriends, now husbands of many years. They were so generous to us with their time, their money and their love. It was so wonderful catching up with her over a few hours at the wake. She is still the same, and her son, whom I last saw as a cute baby boy, is getting married at the end of this year. After she left the wake, she sent me two very significant photos - one of my uncle with her husband and one of the three of us with her and her husband. Most treasured.
The most significant one in that awesome family was my uncle (Andrea, your dad), who went back to Jesus too young. I still get teary-eyed whenever I think of him. He would bring the three of us back to his home every weekend. His grandmother would always prepare non-sugared barley water for us. My elder sister and my younger brother would do their homework while I practised my piano.
All those hours spent with them defined a major part of my childhood and I am so much better because of that. Their generosity formed my personality.
Many relatives and former neighbours from our old home at Belvedere Close also came for the wake. Quite a few of my friends came, too; those who couldn't sent their regards and condolences. We appreciated everyone’s care and concern. Thank you all.
At the two nightly services during the wake, both my cousins Andrea and Kaiqi delivered very moving eulogies of the grandma who had taken care of them while their mothers were out working, as did Andrea’s mother. I delivered an eulogy written by my cousin Jade who is in the US. I told myself to be composed even though I teared each time I practised saying it. Jade was my grandma's favourite grand-daughter. Her eulogy was very personal and touching. When the time came for me to deliver the eulogy, I was composed until this final part, and I became a slobbering mess. This was the part:
“This precious woman, who fed me when no one else would.
This precious woman, who slept next to me holding my hand when no one cared.
This precious woman, who showered me with love and tears and joy.
This precious woman, who has been through much toil and pain.
This precious woman, who fought throughout her life to be strong.
And when I asked this precious woman, “Why do others have a dad but I don’t have one?” she replied, “I'll be your dad.”
This precious woman is my mother, my grandma, and my best friend.
I love you grandma.
I will always remember your goodness and grace towards me for as long as I live.
Ah Ma, you are being embraced by Jesus Christ now. I’ll be there, too, and in just a matter of time, we’ll meet again and I will not fail you. Our story doesn’t end here. It will continue in the presence of God. See you soon. Love you so much and thank you so much.”
On the day of the cremation, we took many photos and a few videos so that we could send them there and then to my two cousins, Jade and her brother Wakefield, who were both in the US. My elder sister and my grandma’s maid decorated the sides of my grandma’s casket with flowers. My cousin Kaiqi made a special one comprising four bouquets to be placed on top of the casket. After that was done, we proceeded to the Mandai Crematorium and Columbarium for the cremation service at 11.45am. My uncle, my grandma’s favourite son, also gave a touching testimony about her during the service. Those present at the service placed flowers inside the casket, with family members last in line. After the cremation ceremony, we went back to my uncle’s place and waited till 3.30pm before heading back to Mandai again so that we could place her cremated bones in an urn to be placed next to my grandfather’s one at the columbarium there.
My reflections:
- A life well lived is measured by the impact one has on one’s significant others and everyone else one comes across in one’s life.
- I thought I would have felt much sadder but I felt happy and joyful because I knew that my grandma was going home to Jesus, free of pain and suffering and the ravages of dementia.
- I felt closure when I saw her cremated bones because I have witnessed the cycle of a wonderful life in its fullness.
- Everyone you will ever meet in your life has someone else who cares and loves him/her, be that someone else a parent, a sibling, a spouse, a friend or a child.
- It is much harder to be kind than to be clever.
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