Stepping into someone else's shoes

I am heading into my final session of an introductory counselling course at WMC. I've enjoyed myself thoroughly during the course because I became a student again. Every Tuesday, we had to take a quiz before the teaching started. This of course means that I had to read the textbooks. So far, my average grade has been 8/10. I like it that I'm learning things, and that the two counsellors in charge of the course are very experienced (one has been in counselling for over 25 years). They would share with us anecdotes from their sessions with their clients as well as some learning points and tips about counselling.

Some things that were said struck very deeply in my heart. The more experienced counsellor said the W counselling ministry is open to both Christians and non-Christians. He emphasised very strongly that it is unethical to attempt to evangelise when dealing with a non-Christian client. It is a matter of ethics and integrity. However, he said that in his many years of counselling, he has never had a non-Christian client turn him down when he asked to pray for the client. This was an extremely important key point for me, and absolutely encouraging for me. That even non-Christians do welcome our prayers for them. I told myself there and then that whenever and in whichever situation, if I'm able to pray for someone (either Christian or non-Christian) in need, I can and I should because God is listening.

As well, there is also the research-supported conclusion that when someone you're counselling feels that you empathise with him, and he feels a connection to you, then the chances of a successful result is vastly improved.

Last week, I got my chance to counsel someone in a role-play situation. We were in groups of threes - "client", "counsellor" and "observer". I was the counsellor in my group. After 15 minutes, the coordinator called an end to the session and we did a debriefing. My client was someone who was married and was having an affair with her colleague. The observer felt that I connected to my client, but my client said she was frustrated with me because I kept asking her questions. She wasn't sure that I was listening to her. I was nervous and kept trying to think up the next question in my head. The coordinator said that it was okay if we ran out of questions. We could just pause, recollect our thoughts and carry on from there. And she said that we were there to lend a listening ear first and foremost. The role play was extremely illuminating for me because I could get objective feedback from the client as well as the observer on how I was doing, and the areas I could improve on.

She gave an example: A teenager is very very upset that his pet dog just died. To some of us, that may not seem a big deal but to him, it is an extremely big deal. So we have to suspend our value judgments and our biases, and step into his shoes and see things from his perspective before we can be of help to him.

We'll again do role-play this coming Tuesday for the final session of the course. I need to also decide whether I want to proceed to the intermediate level of the course which would entail lay counselling sessions with actual clients as well as a two-year commitment. The thing is that during the role-play sessions, the coordinator is supposed to suss out which are the potential counsellors and approach them.

The best part of the course for me is that I got the message: Empathy towards someone goes a long way.