A renewed sensitivity

Poetry does wonders for one's appreciation of a word, a phrase, a sentence.

I just went through an edition of the Economist and was compelled to put these down:

Insouciance

Trenchant

Greenmail

Amateurish theology stokes religious extremism

"The only security of all is a free press," Thomas Jefferson wrote to Lafayette in 1823. "The force of public opinion cannot be resisted when permitted freely to be expressed. The agitation it produces must be submitted to. It is necessary - to keep the waters pure."

來來去去

My poetry entries have been interrupted by entries about friends.

I also met up with another dear old friend (I like very much your description of me as an old friend, thank you) on Sunday.

We ate, walked and talked; it felt so right. We ate Taiwanese beef noodles and drank bubble tea. After that, we walked around, looking for a place to have some dessert. It was a cool night.

The gods were not with us. The cafe at the National Museum seemed closed and the Killiney Kopitiam was also pitch-black. So we went to Zion Road hawker centre. My friend had hot milo and I wanted to have soya bean dessert but, of course, the stall had only chin-chow left. So I resigned myself to drinking hot milo.

My friend was facing the TV screen at the hawker centre and there was a charity event on. Those who sang on the 881 soundtrack appeared. I made a mental note to buy the soundtrack.

We got to talking about many things (life, work, poetry, night, church, God, sin and grace among them), of which my friend said six words about Christianity which I immediately penned down in my black journal.

I always count it pure joy for such rest and company amid the hustle and bustle of the city life. A precious moment.

The coming of Dawn

It's a wonderful feeling when an old treasured friend calls you when she's in town and tries her utmost to arrange to meet you, even though she's got a family in tow, a hundred and one relatives to meet and ten thousand more things to do.

I was overjoyed when I received her call, and she was surprised that I could recognise her voice even though she hadn't called me in years. I replied and said, "Of course, I can recognise your voice!" I was happy just to hear her voice. I wanted to see her kid but I told her that I could settle for handphone shots of him, plus her husband in the background. Ha ha ha! I always like to have digs at her husband because I know he can take them in the right spirit, and he also gives as well as he takes.

She smsed me one to two days later to suggest meeting up for lunch near my new office. So we arranged to meet at 1pm at Far East Square. I told her that I had about 1.5 hours for lunch, give or take a few minutes. We settled on Botan, a Japanese restaurant.

We placed our orders and she showed me photos of her kid. I remembered that there were 41 shots and I saw every single one of them. He's extremely cute!!!!!!! And her husband hadn't changed a bit since the last time I saw them (which says a lot, I think!). She was moaning the fact that all her single friends look the same as they did the last time she caught up with them, while she is not in as good a shape because of her son. I told her that children are a blessing from God, and also her son's very cute and very chubby!!!! He's about 1.5 years old.

We had a very good conversation over lunch. It's quite amazing but it's as if we had seen each other only yesterday because we were pretty at ease with one another. I gave her my update (spiritual life, new job etc), while she updated me on her family life and how they've been doing etc. I think my friends underestimate how much I value spending time alone with them. My smile didn't leave my face during the entire 1.5 hours.

I'm happy to see her and know that she's happy, and I think she feels the same way, too, about me. Lunch went by too fast but when we went our separate ways, I was still happy because I know I will catch up with her many times again in future.

A petal's edge

Light lily lily light light lily light


Imagically
Lightli ly


Outline stones for the wind


All creatures come

To mind to oneness


(Donald Revell)


While reading a book on poetry criticism by Donald Revell, I smsed a friend to tell her that every time I came across a poem, my first instinct was to give voice to the poem. That happened to me once during a crowded MRT ride, and I stopped myself when I suddenly realised that I was talking aloud to myself. Her response was that poetry is about sound.

I was delighted when I came across the poem above by Revell that he had included in the book. He wrote it after he walked to work along a back alley, not looking for anything, but chanced upon tiger lilies all over the place. For me, the sound of the words just hooked me. My gut feeling was happiness - sunlight on flowers.

Yes, my next few blog entries will be on poems from the book. Revell included some fine examples, and I'm almost ready to dash down to the nearest bookstore to get some more poetry/poem collections.

A Poet's Eye

I picked up a book on poetry criticism from Borders recently. The writer is so in love with poetry - very evident from his words. He cited a few poems and among them, this very beautiful love poem by George Herbert:

Love bade me welcome: yet my soul drew back,
Guiltie of dust and sinne.
But quick-ey’d Love, observing me grow slack
From my first entrance in,
Drew nearer to me, sweetly questioning,
If I lack’d any thing.

A guest, I answer’d, worthy to be here:
Love said, You shall be he.
I the unkinde, ungratefull? Ah my deare,
I cannot look on thee.
Love took my hand, and smiling did reply,
Who made the eyes but I?

Truth Lord, but I have marr’d them: let my shame
Go where it doth deserve.
And know you not, sayes Love, who bore the blame?
My deare, then I will serve.
You must sit down, sayes Love, and taste my meat:
So I did sit and eat.

Midori, welcome to this world!

Lily gave birth to Midori Pia on
Oct 11, 2007 at 6.08pm.
Midori weighed 3146g at a body height of 47cm.
Lily and Stephan, congrats!!!
Children are a blessing from God.
Your lives will never be the same again,
and definitely for the better!
Whoopee!!!!!

Stone in the bosom

After the badminton session today, I attended the 4pm church service and then met my church friend (and former colleague) K for dinner. I had not met her since I quit from my job four weeks ago. So it was nice to just meet up with her and catch up on what's been happening in her life.

We both like Japanese food so I suggested Kuriya and told her that it was my treat. She drove us to the branch at Great World City and we ordered the kaiseki meal for October. She frequents that outlet regularly because the kaiseki menu changes every month. We spent a good two to three hours there, just eating and talking.


I took back the one-sheeter describing the menu so that I could list the items down here:

Appetizer
- Boiled mushroom in chrysanthemum
- Oyster boiled down with soy sauce
- Braised ivory shell
- Duck with grain mustard
- Conger eel rolled with burdock

Sashimi
- Amberjack, tuna, flat fish

Grilled
- Grilled asparagus rolled with beef
- Grilled king crab with miso paste

Refreshment
- Angler fish dressed with citrus vinegar sauce

Deep fried and braised
- Deep fried fish ball with grated lotus root served with minced prawn ankake sauce

Main course
- Salmon roe, king crab, minced tuna belly on rice served with soup

Dessert of the day


I told my friend that I'm hooked and that I'll probably go back there once a month from now on for the kaiseki special. :-)

Yesterday once more

I have been playing badminton for the past four weeks, on every Saturday at Delta Sports Complex. When I'm on the court, I feel like a kid again. I'm enjoying every moment, and my face shows it because I'm smiling all the way regardless of whether I win or lose. The feeling of playing just for the joy of playing, and not having the pressure and stress of winning every point at all cost, is simply divine. I could play for six hours on a badminton court but wouldn't last 15 minutes on the track.

I played competitive badminton from when I was in secondary one all the way to university level. My school days were confined to studying and training. My schedule was court training on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and physical+ court training on Saturdays. In between, there would be school competitions as well as overseas competitions.

The places where you would find me would be my home, my school, the badminton courts in my school or at the Singapore Badminton Hall in Guillemard Road or at Delta Sports Complex (yep, I'm back there again).

I led a very regimented and disciplined life - no drinking, no smoking, no late nights and no partying. But I loved it because my coaches and my team-mates were fabulous and I wouldn't have wished it any other way. I always thank God for those times because they helped mould me into the person I am today.

I haven't played badminton since I graduated from university in 1994. Two years ago, I played my first badminton game and I tore my right Achilles tendon there and then. I didn't feel any pain at all but my ankle was swinging freely and kind of detached from the rest of my leg. I put on an ankle guard and my friend quickly drove me to Tan Tock Seng Hospital because that was the nearest hospital.

When we reached the hospital, however, I asked my friend whether we could have some food first because I was hungry. So we had lunch at the Peranakan food place at Novena before going to Tan Tock Seng for treatment. In hospital, I also had to call one of my colleagues to say that I couldn't make it for a play that I was supposed to watch that night, and to ask her to come and collect the tickets from me at the hospital.

I had surgery and was in crutches for three months. My surgeon said that I would have no problems playing badminton again but he added that when he operated on me, my right tendon was in as bad a shape as that of a 60-year-old grandmother. He warned me that my left tendon would go the same way and rupture if I didn't do anything to strengthen it. Obviously my many years of playing competitive badminton have taken a toil on my physical body. My GP, however, said that this was the end of the road for me as well as physically demanding sports was concerned, saying that I should stick to cycling and swimming and avoid tennis, badminton and squash. I took my surgeon at his word.

Four weeks ago, I started playing badminton again. I'm more careful this time around. I warm up quite thoroughly before I start playing and I warm down after the session is over. So far it has been okay but I check my tendons after the end of every session. Today, I slightly twisted my ankle but it should be okay. My strokes are still not fully there, I'm missing the hit zones in terms of accuracy, and my smash is pretty weak because my right shoulder hurts whenever I try a hard smash. But I'm happy because I'm again playing a game that I love a lot. :-)

I'm thankful to God that in my new job, I get to walk quite a bit every day because I've to walk to the bus-stop, walk from the MRT station to my office, walk out for lunch, walk from my office to the MRT station and then from the bus-stop to my home every day. This definitely does help strengthen my legs and my tendons.

I hope that by the end of the year, I would be able to play at the level that I think I should be playing.

It is a nice feeling to be back at Delta Sports Complex and ever so often, I look around at the hall and I think about my coaches and all my team-mates that I had throughout the years, and I pray and hope that wherever they are, they're living life in their own way, in a way they want it to be lived, and that they are happy, contented and loved. Amen.

Beam me up, Scotty

Over the past two weeks, I found myself trying out all possible bus+MRT routes to my new workplace in Raffles Place. These options included the following:


1. Take bus 190 down to Orchard, and take the MRT from Orchard MRT station to Raffles Place MRT station.
Travelling time: 1 hour
Complications: I've to be at the bus-stop before 7.30am so that I can reach my office at 8.30am. If I take bus 190 after 7.30am, I huff and puff my way into the office 15 minutes late, at 9.15am.


2. Take bus 190 to Choa Chu Kang MRT station and take the north-south line all the way to Raffles Place station.
Travelling time: 1.5 hours


3. Take bus 190 to Choa Chu Kang MRT station, and then change at Jurong East station and take the east-west line to Raffles Place.
Travelling time: 45 minutes
Complications: Packed sardines, enough said.


Option 3 is the winner. I've also explored different ways to returning home from the office. (Yes, the Hokkien phrase "bo liao" comes into mind.)


Tip of the day: When it's past 7pm on a week day (excluding Fridays), the fastest way to get from Raffles Place to anywhere else is to take the MRT to Newton station and hop into a cab from there. It worked for me on three different days.

My little piece of Heaven

I like my new office because it has a cosy feeling. At our level, there's also an outdoor balcony, which one can use for a private call or to feel some warmth from the sun. That is my little piece of heaven, because when I'm not meeting people for lunch, I will sit in a chair there and read a book, with a cool drink in hand. So far, thankfully, I haven't had any bird's droppings on my hair.

There is a time for everything

Change is strange and disconcerting. It can make one extremely happy and excited but yet cause one to have fear, anxiety and worries. I recently went through a bout of drastic change in my life: it was extremely stressful for me but at the same time highly liberating.

I had been in my first job for the past 13 years, and my company and my bosses had treated me well. Recently, however, I had the nagging feeling that I was reaching a plateau in my work and that I wasn't as challenged in my job as I had been previously. I did a stock-take of my career. I asked myself whether I could see myself continuing to do the same kind of work, day in and day out, for the next 10 to 15 years. My heart's response was no, and my mind's response was no.

I prayed to God about it, and I asked God for an open door if He wanted me to move on to a different stage of my life journey.

God was faithful and He responded in such a speedy manner that I'm still reeling from the impact. About one to two months back, I was on the phone with a friend and we were discussing careers, God, and purpose in life. I told her about the kind of job that I would like to try next and she then told me about an opening in my current company, through a mutual friend. These two friends would prove integral in my moving on to a new path in my life, and I really thank God for them and their part in it.

Cutting to the chase, I went for my job interview. Following that, I sat for a written test and then I met my boss and two other colleagues at another session. I was offered a position, which I accepted. Before my first interview, I had prayed to God and told Him that if He felt that it was the right time for me to move on, I had faith that He would clear all obstacles in my path. I thank God, and give Him all the glory, the honour and the praise because He has my life in His hands and He's in total control.

That time was a terrible period for me because I couldn't confide in any of my colleagues, especially one whom I was very close to. At the same time, I was also going for interviews and turning up for work after that - this was extremely tiring for me.

Strangely enough, I didn't struggle with whether I should quit but rather with when I should tell my bosses and my close colleagues about my decision.

I dropped some broad hints but when I handed in my notice and the news got around, the reaction was one of shock because I had never given any indication that I was unhappy or that I would leave. Many had assumed that I was going to be there for the rest of my working life. After I handed in my letter, I was at work for only two weeks before I went over to my new company.

This was how fast God moved in response to my prayer.

The stress, however, led to me mixing up the bags of personal items that I took back from my old office (13 years' worth) and the bags of things I had bought during my trip to Washington D.C. Till now, I am still searching for some gifts that I had bought for my friends. I was also apprehensive about the fact that I was going into a new job that required me to not only edit but also write content and into a completely different industry. I had to pick up a lot of new things very fast. I prayed to God and asked Him to enable me to have a humble and teachable spirit so that I would be able to learn things faster in my new job. (My new colleagues have been wonderful, helping me along every day and telling me not to stress myself out.) One coping mechanism was that I wrote down everything that I needed to remember in my job. I told my new colleagues that I was a visual learner - I remembered things better if I wrote them down.

I also dropped off the face of the earth and was incommunicado. I didn't meet up with my friends, sms, e-mail or even blog. My consciousness also totally blocked off the fact that I had a church commitment which required me to turn up for sessions every Monday of the month apart from the first Monday. My supervisor called me up and sounded very exasperated because I had not even contacted her to explain to her what was going in my life and why I was missing all those sessions. I tried explaining to her but I couldn't really say why I totally forgot about those sessions; I also felt that I was quite irresponsible so I apologised.

Along with the stress, however, came tremendous relief that I had settled the move and now I was into a new phase of my life.

I have already been in my new job for about three weeks, and it has been immensely liberating. Previously, I was working every day from 4pm till about 1am, and I found myself struggling to juggle certain areas of my life - like having time for my family, my friends and also time for God. As well, I invariably had to work every Sunday because I needed Mondays off for that church commitment. Now I work from 9am to 6.30pm on weekdays, and my weekends are free. This means that I have now more time to meet up with friends over weekends and I get to have dinner with my parents on weekday nights. Previously, I would have been up till around 6am before I went to bed and this had a draining effect on me physically. Now, I sleep around 11pm and I get up by 7am before going to work, and I feel that my body has been the better for it. Previously, I could never ever meet up with my friends on weekday nights, especially on Friday nights, because of my working hours. Now, I can arrange for dinner appointments on any weekday night. Previously, I would do my quiet time and blog about it from 2am to 4am daily. Now, I do my reading (of the bible or a book) during lunch-time in an outdoor balcony in my office, with a cool drink in hand. I haven't had the time to blog yet except for today, but I expect that my blogging will again be a regular feature of my life once I'm more settled at my new workplace. My blogging is an extension of my quiet time because I blog about the verses I read and study during my quiet time.

I was also very excited by the challenges in my new job. One stops learning and one's creativity dies if one's mind is not constantly challenged or stretched. New experiences add new feelings, new sensations, new ideas, new passion and above all, new layers to one's life. As well, I was always very encouraging to people when they quit; I told them that it was good to get out of one's comfort zone. Well, I myself now have stepped out of the boat, and with God's grace, I have faith that I will walk on water.


My quality of life has improved by leaps and bounds since I started work in my new company. As a friend said: "You're finally getting your life back!" Yes, a big amen to that. I still owe my two key friends a big and well-deserved dinner treat.

School of cool

I had a broad smile on my face on Sept 13 when I picked up my papers and saw that one of my dear friends, Quiet Notes, was on the cover of Life!, along with other home-grown and foreign talents who will be heading up the School of the Arts.

When I spoke to her, her comment was that some of her relatives had said she looked like she had put on weight because her face looked rounder in that cover photograph. She turned to me and asked, do you think so, too? I laughed because I can't lie very well (and I shouldn't lie as well) and so I said I agreed. But then I told her that photographs and the screen tend to add at least 10% of surface area to people's faces, and so she shouldn't worry too much about that.

I'm excited for her because she's excited about being one of the pioneering people driving the curriculum of the new school, which has as its mission the nurturing of youths talented in the arts, with the vision to groom the next generation of artists, creative professionals and individuals who are passionate for, and committed to the arts in Singapore. The school opens next year and offers a connected arts and academic curriculum for youths from 13 to 18 years old.

I told her that I had read the article and checked out the other faculty members, and that they all seemed to be extremely talented and very unique individuals. Above all, they have the passion and love for the arts and that counts for everything when it comes to nurturing young minds and growing young hearts.