Saturday, February 24, 2007

Let's talk

I usually smile at the office cleaning lady and and thank her whenever she stops by to clear my wastepaper basket around 6pm every day. Two days ago, she stopped by my desk and started telling me about how a fellow colleague of hers took the tong with which she uses to grab the rubbish but did not tell her about it. She said that she turned up for work that day and discovered that her tong was missing and told her manager. She then asked me rhetorically why she would bother to take the tong home and forget to bring it to the office, as her manager suggested she might have done. As well as why her colleague would take her tong because that was akin to theft. She was quite upset over the incident. I was bewildered because this was the first time she had spoken to me for so long, but I knew she wanted to vent her frustrations. So I listened. She left a while later.


Yesterday, I took the transport van home. The driver started talking to me, and so I asked him about himself as well as his family. He's Malaysian and has Singapore PR status but does not want to become a citizen here because he does not think highly of our government. He runs his own vehicle repair workshop in Johor Baru (most of his customers are Singaporeans), and rides his motorbike to Singapore every night around 10pm to help his brother out with his night transport business. He usually takes about three transport trips per night, and earns S$500 per month from his brother. But he said that on days when there is heavy rain, he would call up his brother and tell him that he will not ride up to Singapore.

He has one son, 27, and two daughters, 23 and 19. His wife and children are Singapore citizens. He owns a home in Singapore and has a place in Johor Baru near the Second Link. I told him that once his youngest daughter starts working, he can look forward to retirement. He just smiled. I asked him whether his son was interested in his business, and he replied no and that perhaps when he dies, his son may then want to take over. Before I knew it, the van had already reached my void deck. He said bye and happy new year and told me to look out for his brother the next time I took transport because his brother also has a shaved head. I looked at him and asked him to drive safely and wished him a good night.

Such encounters always leave a deep impression on me because I experience the richness of human communication. I don't know why (I'll ask God) but people seem to open up to me easily and I seem to be able to talk to people easily as well most of the time. It's a gift that I'm very thankful for because I realise that makes me unique in a sense, and offers me the chance to lend a listening ear to people in need or the chance to know about another person's life and how he/she is getting along and God's hand in his/her life. And I learn so much more about life in general through their words and their experiences.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Freedom, choice and dignity

Yesterday, I wrote a letter I felt had to be written to a friend. I had prayed about it beforehand and within the contents of the letter, the Holy Spirit led me to pen these words by Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl: "We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."

I read those words only for the first time yesterday, and they brought tears to my eyes because of the way these men rose above their situation and made a difference in other people's lives through their responses. To me, this was a profound celebration of the indomitable human spirit. And their actions were extremely encouraging to me because they showed that although they were in the deepest pits of hell on earth, they had the clearest sight of heaven in their hearts.

The extract was from Viktor Frankl's book - Man's Search for Meaning. I'll probably look for it at Kinokuniya over the weekend.

Isaiah 61:1-3
"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
Because the Lord has anointed me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord,
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that
He may be glorified."





In quietness and trust is your strength

Nothing in the world to me beats being in my room between 2am and 4am. It's my time with God, and my time with self. My routine varies from day to day. Sometimes, I would pray and write in my prayer journal. Other times, I would listen to Christian songs and sing along. There are also times when I would pick up my guitar and play some songs in worship. And also times when I would read the bible and meditate on what God wants to say to me through His word.

This silence is a respite for me after the noise and busyness of the day. I reflect on the day gone by, and whether I have honoured and glorified Christ through my words and my actions. I think about the lessons that I learnt during the day, and how I could apply them in future. I also gauge whether the day is a move forward or a step backward for me in living my life the way I want it to be lived, according to my faith, my principles and my life philosophy.

I also do what I feel is a very important thing for me - letting go. When I pray, I visualise myself laying all my troubles, my sorrows, my fears, my worries, my pride, my achievements and my successes at the foot of the cross, and walking away unburdened and free. For Christ says in Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." And He also promises in Matthew 12:29-30 "Take My yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

A place of surrender

We all bow down (Lenny Leblanc - Integrity's Hosanna! Music)

Princes and paupers, sons and daughters
Kneel at the throne of grace
Losers and winners, saints and sinners
One day we'll see His face

And we all bow down
Kings will surrender their crowns
And worship Jesus
For He is the love, unfailing love
He is the love of God

Summer and winter, the mountains and the rivers
Whisper the Savior's name
Awesome and holy, a friend to the lonely
Forever His love will reign

And we all bow down
Kings will surrender their crowns
And worship Jesus
For He is the love, unfailing love
He is the love of God

He's the light of the world and Lord of the cross

And we all bow down
Kings will surrender their crowns
And worship Jesus
For He is the love, unfailing love
He is the love of God


Isaiah 45:22-23
“ Look to Me, and be saved,
All you ends of the earth!
For I am God, and there is no other.
I have sworn by Myself;
The word has gone out of My mouth in righteousness,
And shall not return,
That to Me every knee shall bow,
Every tongue shall take an oath.


Revelation 5:13
And every creature which is in heaven and on the earth and under the earth and such as are in the sea, and all that are in them, I heard saying:
“ Blessing and honor and glory and power
Be to Him who sits on the throne,
And to the Lamb, forever and ever!”

Thursday, February 15, 2007

A very serious commitment

I finished the introductory counselling course yesterday and got my certificate from WMC. One of the counsellors wrote an "Amen!" next to my last line of my philosophy of life essay, which was: "To me, a good life is simple living and meaningful work grounded on faith in Christ and relationships with people."

The next stage will involve a 12-session intermediate counselling course plus a two-year commitment to WMC as a lay counsellor. I expressed my interest to the coordinators in moving on to this stage.

When I was in a cab returning home yesterday, the weight of my future responsibility suddenly hit me. That if I were to be a lay counsellor, volunteering my time twice a week, I would be directly involved in other people's lives and influencing their thinking and their actions. This was no laughing matter and it was a very serious commitment. There is a short-listing and I am not even sure that I would be chosen among those going on to the intermediate stage. But even before that confirmation, I was already feeling the weight of such a responsibility. This was the first time I had such a feeling and I was slightly disturbed by it.

I prayed to God for His wisdom and His guidance because I was not very sure or confident that I could handle such a responsibility. And I will wait and see if He thinks I'm ready for such serious work.

Sowing the seeds of growth

I wished a colleague of mine "Happy Valentine's Day" and he turned to shake my hand and told me: "Happy Valentine's Day, too, to you. Thank you for being my friend and for being such a nice colleague." My face turned red immediately because I was taken aback by his heartfelt comments, and I mumbled a few words of thanks.

It got me thinking about this anecdote by one of the pastors - that just as a plant requires fertiliser and water for it to grow to its full potential, so, too, people need encouragement and empowerment for them to realise their full potential and fulfil what God had intended for them in their lives using their abilities and talents.

In this world, however, too often, people tend to add poison to other people's lives through their speech and actions - cutting words, physical abuse and the like - and thus hampering growth of their potential.

It does not mean that one should not offer criticism but it does mean that criticism and any negative comments should be offered in grace and in the belief that the person will be the better for knowing where he is falling short and where he needs to buck up. It should never be done in anger or in spite or in a way as to deliberately demean the person.

I'm praying that more and more, the world will be filled with people who are willing to add water and fertiliser to other lives.

Monday, February 12, 2007

The five-year wait




L e-mailed one day and said she was returning to her hometown Bintan for a month. My group of friends (E, M, X and me) were extremely happy because some of us hadn't seen her for five years.I was one of two lucky ones: I had visited her in Germany while E had m
et her in Paris.

Our friendships go back a long way to secondary school, and we have this pact where we would always meet up at the beginning of the year to write our resolutions as well as our predictions for each other. Upon reading her e-mail, we hastily booked a stay at Nirwana Beach Club just so we could s
pend a weekend with her. More significantly, apart from seeing X and M in person for the first time in five years, L was also going to write her resolutions and her predictions for us in our resolution book.



When we met her, all of us hugged her. I thought I would cry with joy but I didn't. M said her eyes turned watery. We talked and laughed like the old times, and ate like there was no tomorrow. We kept taking pictures. We spent time at the pool and walked along the beach. It was as if she hadn't been away at all.

I think all of us were so happy that the circle of the five of us was finally complete, if only for two days. I was grinning like mad for most of the time. We slept only around 3am on Sunday because we also watched video clips of M's wedding day and pictures of L's husband S. We woke up at 8am for breakfast. I could hardly keep my eyes open and the rest told me to go back to sleep. I refused, and L said: "She doesn't want to go back to the room because she doesn't want to miss out on anything!"


In five years, a lot has changed. L has married a German S; E has a new boyfriend HY; M has married K and recently given birth to a daughter SQ. X is now expecting her third child - a daughter this time.

L took transport back to her place in Tanjung Pinang around 5.15pm while our hotel transport to the ferry terminal would pick us up around 5.30pm. We said our goodbyes but surprisingly I wasn't sad at all. I told the others that it was because I knew I would see her again.


















Saturday, February 10, 2007

Stepping into someone else's shoes

I am heading into my final session of an introductory counselling course at WMC. I've enjoyed myself thoroughly during the course because I became a student again. Every Tuesday, we had to take a quiz before the teaching started. This of course means that I had to read the textbooks. So far, my average grade has been 8/10. I like it that I'm learning things, and that the two counsellors in charge of the course are very experienced (one has been in counselling for over 25 years). They would share with us anecdotes from their sessions with their clients as well as some learning points and tips about counselling.

Some things that were said struck very deeply in my heart. The more experienced counsellor said the W counselling ministry is open to both Christians and non-Christians. He emphasised very strongly that it is unethical to attempt to evangelise when dealing with a non-Christian client. It is a matter of ethics and integrity. However, he said that in his many years of counselling, he has never had a non-Christian client turn him down when he asked to pray for the client. This was an extremely important key point for me, and absolutely encouraging for me. That even non-Christians do welcome our prayers for them. I told myself there and then that whenever and in whichever situation, if I'm able to pray for someone (either Christian or non-Christian) in need, I can and I should because God is listening.

As well, there is also the research-supported conclusion that when someone you're counselling feels that you empathise with him, and he feels a connection to you, then the chances of a successful result is vastly improved.

Last week, I got my chance to counsel someone in a role-play situation. We were in groups of threes - "client", "counsellor" and "observer". I was the counsellor in my group. After 15 minutes, the coordinator called an end to the session and we did a debriefing. My client was someone who was married and was having an affair with her colleague. The observer felt that I connected to my client, but my client said she was frustrated with me because I kept asking her questions. She wasn't sure that I was listening to her. I was nervous and kept trying to think up the next question in my head. The coordinator said that it was okay if we ran out of questions. We could just pause, recollect our thoughts and carry on from there. And she said that we were there to lend a listening ear first and foremost. The role play was extremely illuminating for me because I could get objective feedback from the client as well as the observer on how I was doing, and the areas I could improve on.

She gave an example: A teenager is very very upset that his pet dog just died. To some of us, that may not seem a big deal but to him, it is an extremely big deal. So we have to suspend our value judgments and our biases, and step into his shoes and see things from his perspective before we can be of help to him.

We'll again do role-play this coming Tuesday for the final session of the course. I need to also decide whether I want to proceed to the intermediate level of the course which would entail lay counselling sessions with actual clients as well as a two-year commitment. The thing is that during the role-play sessions, the coordinator is supposed to suss out which are the potential counsellors and approach them.

The best part of the course for me is that I got the message: Empathy towards someone goes a long way.

A break from the order

I went down to take the transport van after work today. The transport clerk J came up to me (he had a very broad smile) to inform me that a former colleague of mine, Y, who decided to become a Carmelite nun, is now on a leave of absence and doing some teaching duties at CHIJ.

He said he had seen her in church (they both attend the same Catholic church). My face lit up immediately because I was so happy to finally get news of her. Before she became a Carmelite nun, she was one of a few colleagues whom I had led in bible study in the office. She turned up for the bible study sessions whenever she could, even when she had already left the office. I was very gratified by her support, her presence and her insights during those sessions.

I remember that the group prayed for her before she went into the Carmelite order. Going into the Carmelite order can be very tough because they are enclosed nuns. Their normal day is spent in solitude, silence and prayer. And according to her, she gets only an hour a day to interact with the other nuns. Apart from that, they spend their life alone in their own quarters in intercessory prayer and communion with God. Coming from a world where there is so much contact with people, it can be very hard and difficult to suddenly be thrust into silence. And the Carmelites do not entertain visits by family members or any form of contact with the outside world. They are allowed out of the nunnery only in cases of family emergencies like the death of a parent. It is a frighteningly isolated world, and it takes a deep conviction that that is God's calling for your life.

I anxiously asked J whether he had her contact number and he said no. I told him to please tell her to give me a call when he meets her in church again. I would dearly love to catch up with her and have her tell me how she has been since the last time I saw her (some years back). As well, we can also share with one another how our spiritual walk with God has been through the years that we haven't met.

I remember I had a pretty long talk with J during that time when Y decided to go into the Carmelite order. Following that, every time J saw me at the transport, he would without fail ask me how Y was and whether I had any update from her.

I'm really looking forward to seeing her soon, just so I can see her and know that she's well and fine.

Sunday, February 4, 2007

A day with a friend

I met up with a dear married friend yesterday for a screening of Summer Snow, followed by a Q&A session with the director Ann Hui. Questions flowed and Ann Hui was asked: "If not films, then what?" Her reply was: "Well, I'm already 60!" She added that she was going to keep on making movies, one project after another. She wanted to make movies about social issues that people tended not to talk about but which she felt was important to bring attention to. I got to thinking about whether we will see more directors of her calibre and her social sensitivity in Asian cinema or whether directors like her were already a dying breed.


After the Q&A session, we drove and parked at a hotel opposite the Esplanade. We walked along the road and my friend pointed to a tree and said: "That's a bottle tree." She told me she had wanted to take up a course in horticulture when she had just finished her PhD. We crossed the road and headed to Glutton's Square, choosing a table facing the river. I noticed the couple beside us because they were Korean and they had just finished their stingray dinner. My friend had been craving for Milo even before the movie screening. Both of us drank Milo and mineral water. The night was cool and breezy. Although it was very crowded, I heard only her voice as she updated me on her life. We had not seen each other since Christmas, and it was a joy for me to sit there just listening to her and knowing that time has not distanced us. We got to talking about lots of things. We discussed Kawabata and how we both recently bought a book of his - The Sound of the Mountain. I was describing how I felt about Kawabata - that he was a beautiful writer and he said so much with so few words. She said: "Stripping away, right?" I said: "Right! It's like he just included only the essence." She then told me about Kawabata's Nobel Prize address and gave me the gist of it - he felt that the Western world viewed his writing as nihilism, but to him, it was Zen.


She then suggested a walk along the Esplanade. We got up and started walking. Not at a hurried pace, but a comfortable leisurely one. I hadn't done such a thing in a long while. It was fun and refreshing. We walked past drink stands, a band performance, some ("disturbing" to her, "ugly" to me) big-sized Chinese New Year dolls under the bridge, and finally surfacing above the bridge. She told me how much the area had changed, where the satay stalls used to be, where the old Esplanade used to be, where
Lim Bo Seng's memorial stood and why she was familiar with the place because she had visited it quite a bit before she went abroad for her undergraduate studies. I told her that a building across us looked very nice lit up in red. She looked at me, and laughingly said: "That's the Supreme Court!".


We then walked back. I told her trees were
underappreciated. And that whenever I took a cab along the Bukit Timah Expressway to work, I would look at the trees lining the road and think: "God, how wonderful is your creation," and "God, these trees will still be here even after I'm gone." She said my thoughts were a sign that I have aged. And that we now look at nature very differently than when we were young because the notion of mortality grows on us. Then we fell back to talking about the Japanese writers. She spoke about how they really "get it" - the fleeting moment, the transient, the ephemeral which come across very strongly in their writing. She attributed it to the seasons - how the seasons are a big thing in Japan, how restaurants changed their menus according to the seasons, how the seasons are celebrated differently as well. Changes and more changes.


We returned to the Esplanade and I told her that I had not been to the concert hall yet. She suggested that I check out this Chinese pianist
Sa Chen who will be performing in March. So we went into the Esplanade and I got a flyer on Sa Chen and the Hua Yi booklet. We then walked back to the carpark at the hotel. Along the road, she stood up and walked along the raised ledge while I was walking on the pavement. I told her wryly that it's the only way for her to be taller than me. Then I asked her how tall she was and she said she was originally 1.53m tall but she's now 1.54m tall because of pilates. I said: "Wow, what a ringing endorsement for pilates!" She laughed. We crossed the road and headed into the carpark. I told her that I really enjoyed the evening because it was so wonderful and we didn't even spend a lot. And that to me, it was a perfect moment. She said we should do this more often.


We reached her car. I told her that I was going for an office gathering at Dempsey Road, and she gave me a lift there because it was near her home. When we reached Dempsey Road, I got out of her car and thanked her and told her to drive safely home. When I returned home after the office gathering, she e-mailed me and said she had a very nice evening and she had to simply blog about it -
http://www.quietnotes.blogspot.com