Time out

I had a dear friend sms me recently, saying that perhaps the current distance between us stemmed from her not having enough time to sms me or meeting up with me. I didn't reply to her but that set me thinking about whether she actually really valued our friendship as much as I did, and whether she valued it enough to want to make time for me.


I started reflecting on my friends, who fall broadly into these categories:


1. There are those I don't meet very regularly because they are busy and I've got a pretty difficult schedule to match, but they would always make it an effort to try to arrange to meet up once in a while and commit to that. They surprise you by spontaneously agreeing (during a recent dinner) to go for a concert on the day of your birthday because that would be something special for you. Or they really make a big sacrifice by spending time with you on a Saturday (given that they have families and husbands and boyfriends etc and hence their weekends are extremely precious to them) because they know that your definite days off are Saturdays.


2. There are those who would tell you, okay let's meet up on a certain day, and when the day comes, it's invariably "I'm too tired, or It's late, or I don't feel too well or Let's make it another time?". Again and again, these phrases get recycled and the promised catching-up session drags on into the next week or the next month or the next few months etc. I think to myself that perhaps, they don't really value my friendship as much as I treasure theirs, and ask myself whether my time could be better spent with other friends who value me more.


3. Then there are those who really shouldn't be meeting up with me because they've got a really full plate at the moment but they still go that extra mile to squeeze in some time for me.

One, for example, warmed my heart recently because she had arranged a lunch with me but had warned me that she had to leave at 1.30pm because of a pilates class. When she met me, however, she said: "Oh, I've cancelled my pilates because I decided the time was really too short to catch up with you in a meaningful way." Trust me, at this time, she has a pretty full plate on her hands.

It was wonderful catching up with her and knowing that despite her busyness, she still made time for me. I know I can depend on her 100% and that says a lot for her in both character and friendship.


4. Then there are still those who somehow seem to know that you're free on a particular day, and invite you to their homes for a lunch they have prepared themselves, or pass you home-made oatmeal raisin cookies they have baked.

They paint you something for your new home, even though you have yet to even own one. Or they meet you at Kinokuniya and both of you spend time just looking at books and discussing the latest book you've just read.

They are among the ones you first turn to, when you need some sound advice and words of wisdom regarding a certain situation.



5. Then there are those who are not even physically here in the country but whom I really appreciate because they always make the time to e-mail and let me know the highs and lows of their lives. And they call you once in a while. I really treasure their e-mails because those are the main form of communication and connecting for me.

One friend's emails always make me laugh because she is so her in her e-mails - she wasn't termed the "verbal diarrhoea queen" for nothing. I have to confess that sometimes I skip through some of her e-mails because they are so long, but I totally appreciate her and I can't wait to see her new-born next year when I visit them.


I pray that I am one of those who will always make time for friends because they cared enough to make time for me.


Proverbs 17:17

A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for adversity.